Even in Death
by allienicole16
Summary: She loved him even if she was just his mistress. my first drabble
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Hey guys. I'm back. this is a drabble that i'm working on. I have the first five chapters done and i'm working on the rest. I just kind of what to get it out there to see if anyone thinks i should keep going. I'm posting the first part now and i'll have the other four up when i get home later this evening. Let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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><p>I thought over time it would get easier.<p>

I've always known that I'm nothing but the other woman, but you've always made it your mission to make me feel like I'm your one and only. At least that's what it always felt like.

Now I feel nothing but regret. Regret over deciding to begin this horrid affair with you. Regret over not stopping it before I fell completely in love with you. Regret over not having the strength to just walk away. But I won't have to live with those regrets much long.

After tonight you won't have to wonder if she's finally caught on to where you've been those nights that you weren't with her. Or those three days you spent at the hospital with your 'cousin' who needed you more than ever before.

After tonight it will finally be over.


	2. Chapter 2

**I know I said all 5 tonight but I really dont feel well so one more after this and then I'll give ya more tomorrow. **

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><p>My heart aches at the sight before me.<p>

I knew I shouldn't have done it. But I couldn't help myself. I had to see you one last time before I ended this.

I didn't plan to see what I saw though.

Your arms draped around her, enclosing her from the rest of the world.

But I can see what you're protecting.

It tears at my heart to know that she's giving you what I couldn't.

I watch in silence as your hand falls down to feel that thump I know you're feeling.

Your smile is full of happiness and excitement and I know I have to get away.

I start to drive back home as my heart slowly shuts down, leaving me an empty shell.

But one question lingers on…


	3. Chapter 3

**See ya tomorrow! Thanks for all the support so far guys. If anyone wants to help me out by pre-reading for me. Let me know!**

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><p>I pull my car into my empty driveway and leave the keys sitting on the driver's seat.<p>

I won't need them again, but someone else might.

The snow crunches under my boots as I walk up the drive to my cold and empty home.

It's not really home anymore. I guess it never really was when I really think about it.

It could have been if things had gone the way there were supposed to.

But life didn't work out that way and now…now I have nothing.

I close the door behind me, thankful that the heat is still on regardless of the fact that I haven't paid a single bill in over two months.

I have a feeling you have something to do with that.

I know exactly what I'm going to do and exactly how long it will take before you find me.

I only hope I have enough time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Lots of questions...i want to reply to all of you, but i'm so afraid i'll give things away. Let me just say you're all on the right track. She is the mistress. There no more...I cant say anymore!**

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><p>I decided a while ago exactly where all of this was going to go down.<p>

I had it all figured out from top to bottom.

I had the letters all written out and sealed in neat envelopes to be given out after I am found.

The letters are all basically the same thing, the normal I'm sorry statements and words about a grief that I can't seem to control.

The only one that's different is yours.

Yours is full of the hate and malice that has consumed me since the moment you brought me home from that damn hospital two months ago.

I don't regret a damn word I've written to you because it's all true.

I wish I had never met you.

I grab the bottle from beside my bed and take my place upon the clean black sheets.

This bed is the first thing I've cleaned in weeks and I've done it with only one purpose in mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm working on chapter six...if i have time today I'll post it. If not I'll have it up tomorrow. **

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><p>The bottle opens easier than I thought it would and I'm grateful for that.<p>

The first pills slides down my throat leaving a grainy, chalky texture behind.

I hate that taste, but I know that in the end it will be worth it.

Soon half the bottle is gone and I'm finally starting to feel drowsy.

They said that it would feel just like going to sleep and that's all I want at this point.

I just want to go to sleep.

My eyes are heavy and my legs feel like jell-o, which would be hilarious if I had the strength or even the will to laugh anymore.

I know that soon my eyes will drift close and I smile at the thought.

It's finally going to be over, and I look forward to what comes next.

As my eyes begin to close I hear it, I only hope I've taken enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**I guess you want another chapter right? Maybe get a few answers? Okay well we're going back in time now. Stick with me I promise we'll get back to where chapter five ended.**

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><p><em>Seven months ago...<em>

They say that weddings are supposed to be the happiest time in your life.

I've never once believed that. I've always gone with what statistics say.

Most marriages end in divorce, I mean when you enter into a marital union you're already meeting 50/50 odds that it'll work.

For some people it's wonderful. They've met their soul mate and they go on to many happy years of wedded bliss.

But others…well they end up unhappy and bitter, while once again out there searching for the one person in this damn world that's been made just for them.

I don't like those odds…not one little bit.

However, for my best friend Jamie I know it's different.

He's met his special someone and against all the odds that this world has thrown at him, he's taking the plunge.


	7. Chapter 7

**One more after this and then no more till tomorrow. Gotta bank a little bit up guys!**

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><p>Receptions are always so weird, especially if you're going to one alone.<p>

You don't know if you should dance or drink and when old men come up to ask for a dance it's nothing but awkward.

Therefore I've decided to just plant my ass at the bar and see what happens.

I don't have to wait long before he finds me though. He always knows where to find me.

"Belly-bean you made it!" He cheers as he rushes up to me, his husband trailing behind him.

"Hi Jamie," we hug and for the first time all day I have a genuine smile on my face, "why wouldn't I be here? It's your wedding day!"

"I just know how you are with these things." He whispers, because he knows me. He knows how I feel about marriage.

"Your wedding and marriage is different Jamie. I believe in yours." I say as Victor smiles at me from his position behind Jamie.

"Thanks Belly, you have no idea what that means to me."


	8. Chapter 8

**Last one for today! **

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><p>Jamie declares that he has someone very important to introduce me to and at first I'm unsure about it because hell you know how things get at weddings. People hook up, feelings get hurt and in the morning all you want to do is crawl into a hole and die. But it's been a while since I had a good mindless fuck so I follow my extremely gay best friend as he guides us through the crowd towards a group of people I've never seen in my life.<p>

"Belly, I'd like to introduce you to Victor's old college roommate Edward."

I look up and instantly my panties are ruined. The man standing before me is no man at all, he's a fucking god! My eyes roam over him as I take in his messed up reddish, orange hair that is either from a box or just plain unfair before moving down to his forest green eyes that suck in a part of my soul. It's when I look down at the suit that I truly worry for my panties, because oh my god is that fucking thing painted on? I continue to stare as Jamie laughs from his spot beside me. I shake my head and look up, my cheeks heating as I do.

"Sorry," I whisper and the god before me laughs as well.

"It's alright," he holds out his hand before taking mine and laying a gentle kiss against it, "I'm Edward."

And I die!


	9. Chapter 9

**Real sorry about not posting yesterday. almost two year old daughter + really tired worn out mommy = completely out of it. I'm giving you two tonight and working on more so i might post a third before bed. **

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><p>I don't know whose idea it is first, but before I know it we're out on the floor dancing amongst the masses of people that make up Victor and Jamie's friends and family. My hands are clammy from my nerves that are only increasing the longer this man holds me and I'm pretty sure he knows it too. He smiles as we dance awkwardly to a slow song that I know Jamie had them play as soon as we made it to the floor. He's a sneaky one that's for damn sure. I smile awkwardly at Edward, who in return smiles back down at me. I think he's uncomfortable right now and honestly I don't blame him.<p>

"I'm sorry," He whispers and I look him in the eye.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask, my voice low as well every though I'm pretty sure no one can hear us.

"I know you feel awkward right now. I didn't expect James to force us to dance."

And there it is, the whole reason he even agreed to dance with me was because Jamie forced us into it.

I pull myself back slightly and his arms slip off my body.

"It's alright, he won't be upset. I'm going to go."

I quickly turn away so that he doesn't see the hurt on my features.


	10. Chapter 10

**Going to work on 11-15! Toodles!**

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><p>Outside it's cool and soothing, which I'm so grateful for. My nerves are shot and my head hurts from holding back my tears of rejection. I should have known that someone as good looking as him wouldn't want to dance with me just because. I knew there was a reason we ended up out there. I don't know how long I stand out there and I really don't give a damn at this point. I hate weddings; they're nothing but drama fests that really end up being about everyone else except the people they're supposed to be about in the first place.<p>

Anger consumes me and quickly turn around, hell bent on giving that asshole a piece of my mind when I crash into a warm body.

"Bella," he says and I instantly feel my heart race.

"Why are you out here?" I ask, my verbal filter completely gone.

"I wanted to apologize. I didn't mean what I said to sound so…god I don't know even know the word."

I cross my arms across my chest and look up at him, "You said what happened, there's nothing wrong with that."

"But here's the thing, I would have asked you anyway even if James hadn't pushed me to do it."


	11. Chapter 11

**I am so glad so many of you like this. I know it's slow going but it's a drabble so basically everyday updates of just small information that eventually becomes a huge long story. It'll all make sense in the end I PROMISE! I'll be posting two chapters tonight. This one and then chapter 12. **

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><p>Conversation between us comes so easy that I almost let myself believe that he could be the one for me. We talk about anything and everything, even some things you wouldn't expect two perfect strangers to even talk about right after they've just met. We talk until Jamie suddenly pokes his head out and subtly remind us that it's his day not ours that we have ten seconds to get our fine booties back inside. His words not mine.<p>

Edward stops by the doors and I'm suddenly afraid that he's going to tell me that he wants nothing to do with me.

I look up at his face and sigh when I see him smile lightly down at me.

"Can I get your number?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Last one for tonight!**

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><p>Three days go by and I'm beginning to think that's never going to call.<p>

Part of me wants to call Jamie and ask if Victor can give me Edward's number, but I don't want to see that desperate.

The days have been going by so damn slow since I met him and part of me knows it's simply because I'm nervous about his call, but at the same time I'm so damn excited about the idea of it.

It's been so long since I had a good steady relationship.

I turn off my television, completely resigned to the fact that he's never going to call, and decide to call it a night.

I'm half way between my bedroom door and the couch when my phone starts going off.

'_Don't just want you to love me; I want to be your obsession'_


	13. Chapter 13

**I am soooo sorry that I didnt update last night. Huge exam i had to study for...if you knew what i was studying you wouldn't blame me for not updating.** **You're getting two chapters tonight. Oh and the last line in the last chapter was her ringtone on her phone. The song fits this story so much, it's called obsession by sky ferreria...it's on the vampire diaries soundtrack. Check it out sometime!**

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><p>"You're going on a date!" Alice, my girlie best friend of over fifteen years yells as I pull out yet another pant suit.<p>

"Alice I don't want to look like I'm trying."

"But you also don't want to go out rocking the mom-suit Bella." She blows past me, making her way into my large walk in closet that is nothing but a waste for someone like me.

"Alice," I whine as she walks out holding up the tightest red dress that I own, no thanks to her.

"Bella, you have a kick ass body and it's about damn time you flaunted it a little."

"I don't want to come off as easy."

"You won't Bella. Come on you got to live a little girl, otherwise life is going to pass you by." She held out the offending little dress before I snatched it from her.

"Fine, but if this ends up with him trying to get into bed the entire night I'm kicking your ass."

"Yeah yeah yeah you say that all the time but you never do." She called as I walked into the bathroom.


	14. Chapter 14

**Yeah i dont know shit about cars. Sorry.**

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><p>"Bella you look,"<p>

I held up my hand and smiled at him. "I know it's too much right? My friend came and dressed me since she feels I'm completely in capable of doing so myself."

He shook his head and laughed. "No I was going to tell you that you look beautiful."

I blushed and looked down at my hands. "Thank you."

"Are you ready to go?"

I looked up and gave him a quick nod before joining him in the hall. Once the door was locked we made our way down to his car.

"This is yours?" I asked, eyeing the beautiful, metallic blue mustang that was sitting at the curb.

"Yeah, it's my least flashy car." He said, opening the door and ushering me in.

"Are you serious?" I asked, once he'd gotten in.

"What?"

"This is your least flashy?"

"Bella now a days a mustang is just a car, there are other beauties out there."

"Such as?" I asked, because well enquiring minds really do want to know.

"Maybe over dinner we can talk about it." He laughed before pulling out onto the busy street.


	15. Chapter 15

**I left class early so i could come home and finish this for you guys. Little time jump here. ****Next two chapters or so have some big stuff happening!**

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><p>"I had a really great time Edward," I whisper as he looks down at me.<p>

"I did too," He leans down and captures my lips is a soft kiss that leaves my toes tingling when he pulls away.

We smile at each other and he takes my hand, leaving a kiss against it.

"I'll call you sometime this week."

I smile before he walks away, giving me one last wave before driving away.

"Good you're home."

I'm barely through the door before Alice pulls me over to the couch.

"Chill dude," I shout as my back slams against the back of our really uncomfortable couch.

"Sorry I'm just really excited. So how was date number three?"

"It was as good as the other two." I say as I shrug off my jacket.

"Okay, if it was so good then why didn't he stay the night?"

I look up at her and shrug my shoulders.

"Bella what's going on?"

"Alice things are great; I mean we have a really great time when we're together."

"Then why aren't you two locked in your bedroom right now screaming for god?" She asked.

"Okay look here's the thing. Our dates have been really great but I've noticed a pattern to them."

"What kind of pattern?"

"None of them take place here."

"Well duh first dates usually take place at restaurants and movie theaters, not your home…well unless you plan to get lucky."

"No I mean here, as in Forks."

"Wait, are you telling me that he never takes you to a restaurant here?"

"Precisely,"


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys...long night. ready for december to be over with. Enjoy!**

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><p>"That's really weird Bella." Alice said and I nodded.<p>

"We never go anywhere that has a big crowd or anywhere that someone I know would frequent." I shrug my shoes off, thankful to be out of those torture heels.

"He's hiding something, Bella I know he is."

"I do too. I just can't put my finger on it. It drives me crazy because he's a really amazing and wonderful guy."

"Well those are usually the ones that hold the darkest of secrets." Alice said, her eyes take on a hint of sadness.

"Alice?" I ask as she looks away.

"I just remember when Jared pulled that crap on me. I don't want that for you."

Jared Cameron, Alice's ex-fiancé, suddenly pops into my mind and I cringe. He'd started out as such a sweet guy, but by the end of their relationship he'd turned into something else entirely.

"What Kim and Jared did to you Alice-"I started as her hand flew up.

"What they did sounds a lot like what Edward is doing to you Bella. He snuck around with her in order to prevent me from finding out."

"I know."

"Bella you have to talk to him."

I looked up into her eyes and my mind is suddenly made up.


	17. Chapter 17

**Last one for tonight unless you guys really want one more. Let me know.  
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><p>It takes me a week to work up the courage to actually talk to Edward. He'd called a few times, but I'd let every single one of those go to voice mail.<p>

When he'd shown up at my work out of the blue I begged my assistant to tell him I was out of the office for the day. He'd begged her for my exact location and I smiled when she told him that she couldn't disclose that information.

However I knew my time was running out. His calls were becoming more frequent and he's recently gotten Jamie in on it.

"Bells, you have to talk to him."

"Jamie, he's hiding something and I'm scared that what it is will ruin everything."

"Bella, you have to talk to him." Jamie said, his tone indicating at once that he knew something.

"What do you know?"

"Bella I can't-"

"Jamie you know what he's hiding, don't you?"

"Bella-"

"I can't believe it." I whispered, my head spinning, "I have to go."

"Bella please," His words pleading before I hung up the phone.

Even my best friend knew what this man was hiding. It was getting to be too much. I knew I had to confront him and I had to do it soon.

My fingers shake as I hit the buttons on the phone. I take a deep breath as the phone rings until finally it stops and a voice rings out.

"Edward Cullen's phone."

My heart stops, the phone slips from my fingers and crashes to the floor.

I never expected a woman to answer his phone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay got one request for one more. So here it is.**

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><p>Two hours, that's how long it takes before he's at my door, pounding like a maniac.<p>

"Bella let me in."

Tears are streaming down my face because now I know.

I know the secret he's been keeping from me and it breaks my heart.

"Go away asshole." I say from my spot against the wall beside the door.

"Bella, baby please we need to talk about this."

I laugh. "We shouldn't have to talk about this Edward. I don't know what your game is but I want nothing to do with it."

"Bella please, just…hear me out okay. It's not what you think."

"Oh yeah, am I supposed to believe that your sister or your secretary or even your mother just happened to answer your phone?"

His silence is my answer and I laugh once again.

"Stop playing me for a fool Edward. I won't be treated like a moron."

"Bella," he pleads, "please can we just talk? I need to explain myself."

Part of me wants to ignore him, but another part of me, the huge part, wants to open the door and hear what he has to say.

Unfortunately that part wins out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Here's what he has to say. Oh i started a FB group. I'll post teasers to all my stories and things there. So if you have a fb go to my profile on here. I have the link up. **

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><p>"Let's hear it." I say as I stand on the opposite end of the room facing the couch.<p>

He sits there, his hands in his hair. "Bella, will you please sit down?"

"No, I'd rather not."

He looks up at me and I try to ignore the pain I see in his green eyes.

"Fine," he takes a deep breath and I know that he's about to tell me everything that I want to know.

"Bella, the woman who answered the phone tonight, she wasn't my mother or my sister or anyone that works for me."

"I figured that much."

"Bella, I'm married."

At this moment I'm kind of wishing that I'd been sitting down for this.


	20. Chapter 20

**She really needs to sit down doesn't she?**

**Sorry about yesterday. Lets just assume from now on that Saturdays suck for me. Got WAY too much going on. I really want to try to have this done by X-mas but we'll see. Enjoy this chapter!  
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><p>My back slips against the wall until my butt finally meets the hardwood.<p>

"Bella," he says, concern on his face as he gets up to approach me.

My hand flies up, and he stops what he's doing.

"Don't," I whisper before he sits back down.

My head is spinning. He's married, out of all the different scenarios that had been playing out in my head never once had this been one of them.

"You're married."

He nodes and I laugh.

"Of course you are." I start laughing uncontrollably as his features grow more concerned.

"Bella are you alright?"

"I'm great, really. I mean it's not every day you find out the guy you've been falling for is already married."

I decide then and there that I'm not going to be some weak little kitten about this.

I'm going to fight.

I stand up and make my way towards him until I'm towering over him on the couch.

"Why are you dating me if you're married?" I hiss, my words dripping with venom.

"We've been married for nine years, but I never felt with her, what I feel for you."

I chuckle and back off a little. "What you feel for me…that's rich."

"Bella, I care about you."

"What about her?"

He looks down and sighs. "We haven't been together in a long time. Our marriage is basically over."

"Does she know about me?"

"She suspects, especially after that phone call tonight."

"Why is your marriage shitty?" I ask point blank because at this point I don't give a damn whether or not I'm hurting him.

"She cheated on me a long time ago with a friend of mine."

Anger consumes me and I realize that I'm starting to see what's really going on here."

"So you're dating me to get back at her."

"No,"he says as he stands up to face me, "I like you Bella, I can't fucking stand her."

"Then why are you still married?"

"Its complic-"

"NO, IT REALLY FUCKING ISN'T!" I scream, knowing I've reached my breaking point.

"Bella-"

"Get out." I whisper.

"Bella," he put his hands on my face and forces me to look at him.

His eyes are pleading with me to hear him out, to let him show me that what he feels is real.

"I'm getting a divorce." He whispers so quietly that I'm almost certain that I've heard him wrong.

"But you just said,"

"I know what I said," he sighs, "Bella I've been trying to get a divorce for two years now. She keeps making these demands and then changing things."

"Why?"

"Because I have money and she wants it. She's a bitch; I knew that when I married her but she was the daughter of a family friend and my high school sweetheart."


	21. Chapter 21

**Ah man you know what sucks? Tripping over a freaking baby gate then having to go to class. Not COOL MAN NOT COOL! Anyway here's the update. Got two for ya tonight. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>EPOV: (Yeah it's his turn to get some words in)<strong>

"I can't believe we're going to have a son." She whispers in my ear as her arms wrap around me. I hear the words, but they sound like someone else. Someone who uttered a very familiar sentence not three months ago.

'_We're going to have a baby.'_

My heart constricts and my arms wrap tighter around my wife.

"I'm really excited Edward, aren't you?" She asks, her blue eyes lighting up as she looks at me.

I put on a smile and try to make it genuine.

"Of course I am Tanya."

She hugs me against her once more and I look out across the street at a familiar car parked in the lot across from us.

The car looks oddly familiar and I can't quite place it until it starts to pull away.

My heart starts to race when I realize who exactly who it is.

"Tanya, I have to go."

"Go? I thought you were coming home tonight."

"Tanya, I told you this-"

"Edward if you say that fucking d word to me one more time I swear to god."

"Tanya, I'm not-"

"We're married," She said, her finger gabbing into my chest, "I'm your god damn wife and this is your fucking son."

"Tanya-"

"You're coming home. So tell your whore that it's over and I expect to see you at home in two hours."

I watch as she waddles away, knowing that I can't do a damn thing while she's carrying my fucking child.

A child conceived in a moment of weakness that I will haunt me for the rest of my life.


	22. Chapter 22

**If you haven't guessed already, this is the time after the first few chapters. We're going back in time again soon. I promise. **

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><p>Her car is still warm when I put my hand against the hood.<p>

She hasn't been home long.

I start to turn towards the house when a light catches my eyes.

Her keys are lying in the front seat.

In an instant I'm running into the house, calling her name at the top of my lungs.

"BELLA!" I run towards her room, just knowing that's where I'll find her.

Her door is closed, but I'm too worked up to even notice that it isn't locked.

My foot kicks the solid oak door down and I see my girl lying on a bed of black.

"Bella, baby," I run to her side, pulling her into my arms.

"Please Bella wake up."

Her head falls to the side and I realize that I'm running out of time.

I lay her down and immediately start CPR, while my phone is ringing beside her.

_"911 what is your emergency?"_

"It's my girlfriend; I found her unconscious in her bedroom. I think she…god I think she tried to kill herself."

_"Is she breathing?"_

"I'm doing CPR." I say between chest compressions.

_"Alright sir, continue to do that. I'm sending an ambulance to you."_

"Tell them to hurry." I whisper, praying that we're not too late.


	23. Chapter 23

**Okay guys I'm in a great mood. got an awesome grade my huge exam and i only have 8 classes left. HELL YEAH! So you're getting three chapters tonight! Enjoy!**

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><p>I feel completely helpless watching them work on Bella. I want to help but I know there's absolutely nothing that I can do, I'll only get in their way.<p>

People are rushing around me so fast and all I want to do is collapse.

She did this because of me. I can feel it in my gut.

I hate that I hurt her. I hate that she went to this extreme just to get away from everything that happened.

I continue to watch as the paramedics bring her back for a second time and they start getting things ready to leave.

I ask if I can ride along, but they say no. I'm not family and they need all the room they can get.

I understand of course. They're only doing their job.

They wheel her out and that's when I notice them, five bright blue envelopes just barely sticking out from beneath her pillow.

These are her death letters and I just know that one of them is for me.


	24. Chapter 24

**You're going to ask about the letters, but I'll get to them in the next couple chapters. I promise!**

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><p>Waiting rooms are the most horrible places in the world.<p>

Hospitals try everything in their power to make them a safe place for you to wait for news about your loves ones, but in actuality all they're doing is making you feel miserable.

No one wants to see pictures of happy little babies when they're waiting for news on whether or not their love one is going to make it through the night.

I sure as hell don't!

So basically I hate waiting rooms. They're one of the many reasons I decided against the medical profession.

"Mr. Cullen," I look up and my eyes connect with the man I saw wheel Bella back two hours ago.

"Yes," I say my voice hoarse from all the tears that I've spilled.

"Are you family?" He asks. He's hesitant to tell me anything, especially since I'm the one that found her.

"No, but we've been seeing each other for seven months."

"I can't tell you anything major without the family present."

"I understand."

"But I can tell you that we managed to get everything out of her system. You're lucky you found her when you did."

"Is she awake? Can I see her?"

"I'm sorry I can't tell you anymore." He says, his eyes showing nothing but sympathy towards me.

"Yeah I understand."

"Do you know of anyone we can contact for her?"

My hands shake as I nod. "I'll call her friends. They would know." He gives me a quick nod then walks away.

I pull out my cell and scroll down till I find the name of the one friend of Bella's who doesn't hate my guts and press send.

"What the hell do you want you son of a bitch."

Great way to start a conversation.


	25. Chapter 25

**If i have spelling errors i'm really sorry. I have to put this up so fast I dont have time for a beta. So i'll get around to fixing the errors in the morning!**

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><p>If I thought for one second that calling Bella's friends was going to help me in the slightest I probably wouldn't have made the call. But I did it because someone needed to be here for Bella, someone other than the person who drove her to do this in the first place.<p>

"What the fuck happened?" I look up and my eyes connect with those of Bella's best friend, Rosalie.

"I found her lying in her bed unconscious."

"What did she do?" Rose asks, sitting down beside me.

"There was an empty pill bottle beside her. I think she took all of the pain medication the doctor gave her last month."

Tears fall from Rosalie's eyes as she turns away.

I watch as sobs wrack her body and I have no idea how to comfort her. We sit in silence as she cries until the doctor comes out, once again calling for me.

"Have you been able to get in touch with Bella Swan's family?" He asks and I nod.

"I got a hold of her friend Rosalie." I point towards the blonde in the chair behind me.

Rose stands up and holds out her hand for the doctor.

"I'm Rosalie McCarthy, is Bella alright?"

"Are you friend or family?" he asks her and she nods.

"I'm her sister in law."

I turn back to the doctor and suddenly Rosalie's words register in my mind.

"Wait you're her sister in law?" I ask.

She glares at me then turns her attention back to the doctor. The two of them walk away from me and I slump back down into my overused chair.

Part of me wants to run after them to hear the entire conversation, but I know they'd just stop talking the minute I got over there. So I stay where I'm at, figuring that just maybe Rosalie will let me know what's going on.

After a few minutes she comes back and the tears are rolling down her cheeks at this point.

"Rose?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"I have to call Emmett." She whispers and I gently grab her hand.

"What is going on? How are you Bella's sister in law? Did you lie?" I ask, not caring that she's crying her eyes out.

"If you had gotten to know her for two seconds you would have fucking learned that Emmett is her step brother and I'm Emmett's wife. But no you were too busy getting my best friend and your wife knocked up to even give a damn." She says her piece and storms off.

I'm not even mad, because she's right.


	26. Chapter 26

**So there's this holiday coming up...you might have heard of it...it's called Christmas. LOL Sorry I've been super busy with xmas stuff and the fact that my daughters birthday is new years eve and i'm putting together her bday. Uh so forgive me if i dont always update everyday. I am writing the chapters. I promise. So reviews really died off last update. Does this suck? Oh and sorry about chapter 22. I just saw that 21 posted with it. Something screwy is going on with the uploader on her. Okay enjoy guys!**

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><p>Emmett McCarthy is a very scary looking dude. I mean it the guy looks like he could take out a bear if given the proper opportunity.<p>

So when he walked into the waiting room I pretty much figured I was done for.

"Cullen," He snarled as he walked towards me. My balls crawled back up inside me as I tried to back even further down into the chair.

However someone from above decided to take pity on me at that moment.

"Edward Cullen," a voice rang out from behind Emmett, who in turn stopped to look at the person who had interrupted my inevitable beating.

"Yes," I whispered, my voice waving a little.

A police officer walked up from behind Emmett and stopped a couple feet in front of me.

"Can we speak in private please? I have a few questions for you."

I nodded and quietly followed the man. As I passed Emmett he grabbed my arm tightly.

"You and I are going to have some words when you get back." He hissed before letting go of my arm to go join his wife.

Great, just what I needed tonight.


	27. Chapter 27

**So? You like? I love Emmett he's awesome.**

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><p>"You were the one that found Ms. Swan?" He asks once we're outside of the waiting room.<p>

"Yes, I was out earlier and I saw her drive away in a hurry."

"Did this alarm you?" He asks, his face taking on a puzzled expression.

"Yes," I say before taking a deep breath to continue, "She saw something that might have upset her."

He rolls his eyes then looks back at me. "Let me guess, you're cheating on her."

"Actually, uh, it's a little more like she's who I'm cheating on my wife with."

He stares at me then looks away. "Alright so she saw you what? Were you with your wife or something?"

"Yes, I was exiting the doctor's office with my pregnant wife."

"Okay we'll move on. When you arrived at Miss. Swan's residence did anything seem off?"

"Her keys were lying on the seat of her car."

"Yes we recovered those. Was that the first indication that something was amiss?"

"Yes, that and the fact that she wasn't outside screaming at me the moment I pulled up."

"Did that happen often?"

"More than I care to admit." I say as he jots down some notes in his notebook.

"Alright Mr. Cullen, when you found Miss. Swan what did you notice?"

My mind is instantly taken back to the moment I saw her and my heart physically aches. "I saw the bottle of pills that she'd been given a couple months back."

"What were they prescribed for?"

"She suffered a miscarriage two months ago."

"I'm presuming that the child was also yours."

"Yes."

He mutters what sounds like piece of work under his breath and honestly I don't blame him. Even to my own ears I sound like a piece of shit.

"So she had taken the entire bottle?"

"Most of it, I saw a few pills on the ground beside her bed."

"The scene leads us to believe that this was a planned event. The sheets were clean and brand new."

"Yes, I believe she'd been planning something. I just never thought she'd go through with it."

"Was she depressed?"

"Yes, ever since she lost our daughter." I whisper and he nods.

"That's all the questions I have for you. We might have more questions later so I suggest you keep yourself available." He says before he storms off.


	28. Chapter 28

**Leave me love or i'll sic Emmett on you! lol J/K**

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><p>The minute I walk back into the waiting room he's already standing.<p>

"You and I need to talk." He grabs my arm, dragging me behind him, towards the door.

"Emmett I can walk on my own you don't have to drag me."

He doesn't even turn around to answer me. "No, this way I know you're following me."

We make it two steps outside before his fist slams down on my face. I feel my nose crack as blood pours out of it.

"Son of a bitch!" I shout, loudly because for fucks sake a god damn Mac truck just hit me in the fucking nose.

"What the hell did you?"

"I didn't do anything."

He glares at me and I start to back away.

"You better fucking start talking boy or I swear to god I will end you."

"Look she saw something I wish she hadn't and by the time I caught up to her I was too late."

"What did she see?"

I sigh and look down. "She saw me with Tanya."

I don't even have time to block this time.


	29. Chapter 29

**I know i know. It's crazy here. I had chapter 29 all written out and my computer decided to be stupid. Anyway here it is. I also have i believe up to 32 done as well. So i think I'll upload them all since there's not update later tonight and possibly tomorrow.**

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><p>I expect to find myself lying against sidewalk in nothing but pain. However what I wake up to is the exact opposite.<p>

"Are you alright?"

Her words surprise me, considering the last ones she spoke to me were nothing but hate and malice.

"Alice?"

"Are you alright?" She asks again and I nod.

She helps me up and I realize that we're still outside.

"Where's Emmett?"

"He went back inside. I'm not entirely sure that he's finished with you though." She says and I nod because I know he isn't.

"I'm surprised you're helping me."

"Bella would be upset if I didn't."

"No she wouldn't." I say as I run my jaw.

"No she would. Regardless of what happened today she wouldn't want you to die at the hands of her step brother."

I laugh at her words then suddenly I realize what she said. "Why didn't you guys ever tell me that Emmett was her brother?"

Alice sighs. "It's kind of just common knowledge at this point Edward. I mean I've always known that Emmett was her brother."

"But I didn't grow up with you guys."

"But you knew Victor. Jamie had to have said something to him."

I look down, trying to remember if that information had ever been passed to me.


	30. Chapter 30

**Alright two more after this. You guys are awesome. i know i dont reply to everyone but i really appreciate your views on this. And i keep getting that you all think Edward is a GIANT puss bag. Well i could agree more. He'll change though and soon. i promise!**

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><p>"Alice I never know." I whisper, because it's at this moment that I've realized that I know almost nothing about Bella's personal life.<p>

I know a lot of things about her, but her family…I know jack shit.

"She only tells people what she thinks they should know."

Alice walks away from me as the words sink in.

"She didn't trust me did she?" I ask, although I already know the answer.

"No Edward she didn't."

We walk back inside the hospital and Alice walks up a guy I've only seen once before in passing.

"Edward," he nods to me and I give him a nod back.

"Jasper, it's good to see you."

"Likewise, although I wish it were under better circumstances."

Jasper is the only one out of Bella's group who doesn't hate my guts.

I never really understood why and when I asked Bella all she would say is that our lives aren't that different.

We make our way up to the ICU and Emmett is instantly glaring at me.

"I see you're awake." He snarls and Alice steps up to him.

"Em, please just…not right now."

He glares at me from over her shoulder until Alice touches his arm.

"She needs you. Deal with this shit later okay? Just be there for your sister right now."

Her words sink and before my eyes he changes.

"Alley-cat you have no idea how much…thanks." He says before his arms wrap around her.

For the moment I think I'm safe.


	31. Chapter 31

I don't sit down right away.

Not because I don't think I'm wanted, because I already know that one.

I don't sit down because it's at that moment that I remember the letters that I've stored in my coat pocket.

Letters that are written to Bella's loved ones…and me.

I pull the envelopes out of my inner coat pocket and look down at them.

The first one on the stack is addressed to Emmy, who I can only assume is Emmett.

Part of me doesn't want to give them her friends and family.

However I know keeping them would be wrong. I mean I already hid them from the police.

I walk over to Emmett, who glares up at me as I approach.

"Look I know you hate me, but I found these after the paramedics left with Bella."

I hand him five of the six envelopes, leaving my own in my other hand.

"Are these?" he asks.

"Those are the notes Bella left for all of us." I whisper.


	32. Chapter 32

I'm even more afraid to open mine than I was before.

Alice was the first to read her letter and she's still crying even fifteen minutes after reading it.

Jasper has read it as well and has done nothing but hold Alice in his arms ever since.

Emmett read his after Alice and immediately left the room, clutching two more in his hands as he left.

I can only assume those are the letters to their parents.

Rosalie, however, has been staring at me for the last ten minutes.

I don't know if she's waiting for me to read mine so she can read hers, but it's getting annoying.

"Are you going to read that?" She asks her eyes on my envelope.

"I don't really want to."

"You should. Maybe then we'd all understand exactly why she did this." She says before opening her own.

I watch as the emotions flicker across her face. First there's pain, then there's anger until finally all that's left is sadness.

Watching the strong and resilient Rosalie McCarthy crumble before my very eyes is a sight I never want to see again.

I finally suck up some courage, strap on my big boy pants and open my own envelope.


	33. Chapter 33

**Hehe I lied. I had up to 33. Here's Bella's letter to him. Keep in mind the place, emotionally, she was when she wrote this**. **She might get confusing. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>Dear Edward,<em>

_I want to start by saying that I hate you. Yes I really and truly do hate you. Would you like to know why?_

_Because of you my life has been nothing but a train wreck. From the moment you told me that you were married I knew that I should have walked away._

_I just don't know why I never did._

_Instead I ignored what my friends and even my gut was telling me to do. Hell I even ignored my brother when he got on his hands and knees, begging me to just let you go and move on with my life._

_I don't know if it was just obsession that kept me with you or this deep seeded need to torture myself further, but whatever it was I'm over it._

_You read that right I'm over it. _

_I think I started really hating you two months ago. Yes the night we lost our daughter._

_I don't want to say that I blame you for what happened, because that isn't exactly fair, but it's how I feel sometimes._

_The night I lost our daughter my eyes opened. I realized that all those words you kept feeding me were nothing but lies. You never planned on leaving Tanya. _

_I can see that now._

_I'm ashamed of myself for trust in you, and for putting my faith in the fact that someday you'd be mine and mine alone._

_I should have listened to my gut._

_Seeing what I saw today cemented that for me Edward. You're having a baby with a woman you claim to not even love._

_Did that child happen the night we broke up?_

_I want to believe you when you say that was a night of nothing but mistake and regret. But you're having a child because of it, so you can regret it too much._

_Edward, for two months I've dealt with a pain that not even my friends or family can ever understand. _

_Hell I can't even understand it sometimes._

_All I want is to be happy again and without Macy…I don't think I can ever be happy again._

_I want you to know that while most of my family will blame you for what I'm about to do, that it's not your fault._

_It really isn't, so don't believe Emmett when he blames you because I know he will._

_This is all on me. I should have always just listened to my gut Edward._

_Good luck in your life. I pray your child is born happy and healthy._

_-Bella._

_Oh and I lied when I said I hated you earlier…I really did love you at one time or another._


	34. Chapter 34

**Alright guys going back in time. Picking up right where chapter ****20 left off. There's some repeated info in here so dont worry if you see something that i've already covered. Bella is kind of in shock at this point.**

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><p>"She is your high school sweetheart?" I ask, the words tasting like acid as they leave my tongue.<p>

"Sweetheart is a big kind in this instance."

"Edward," I sigh as he shakes his head.

"Sorry, okay look yes I'm married, but I'm not happily married."

"So what," I saw, crossing the room to get away from him, "marriage is marriage Edward. It doesn't matter if you're happy or not you're still married."

"But we're getting divorced."

"How long have you been 'getting'," I say, using bunny ears around getting, "divorced?"

He sighs and runs his hands through his messy, bronze locks.

"It's been pending for three years actually. We called it off for a year, but in the end I just wanted it over."

His words cause me to start laughing out of angry and frustration.

"If you've been getting divorced for that long then why the fuck hasn't it gone through?"

"My wife married me for my money." He whispers and I laugh.

"Really, what do you do that causes you to have so much money?"

"It's not what I do Bella. It's what I have."

"Cryptic," I say, annoyance clearly written across my features.

"Fuck, my parents…my biological parents passed away when I was three. All I have left is the money they left to me."

"And your wife wants it?"

"She feels she's entitled because she's my wife. However she signed a pre-nup before we got married."

"So shouldn't that make things easier?"

He throws his hands up. "You'd think, but Tanya is fighting it, although she made it null and void when she slept with someone else."

"Just as you have," I whisper and he nods.

"If she were to find out-" he trails off and I already know what he's going to say.

"Then the pre-nup would be out the window."


	35. Chapter 35

**Okay I actually got threatened yesterday to update. Yeah little scary. lol but so awesome. I'm glad you guys are liking this. A lot of alerts and favorite adds for this. If you've liked it why not leave me a little note kay? That'd be awesome! Last one for tonight.**

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><p>"Bella you have to understand something, I never once set out to cheat on my wife." He stares at me, his big green eyes full of nothing but fucking honesty.<p>

I feel myself falling into his charms once more, without even trying.

"Edward, no one ever really sets out to cheat."

"When I met you…I was just drawn to you. I tried so hard to fight it. I waited days on end hoping that my attraction to you would just disappear. But it didn't."

His words make me feel happy even though I know in my heart that I shouldn't. I quickly shake my head and glare at him.

"This will not continue. Not until your divorce is final."

"Bella-"

"No," I say, my voice ringing with finality, "I will not be the other woman Edward. I will not allow you to make me into that."

He stares at me for a long time before I finally see that my words have registered with him.

"Alright," his shoulders slump down in defeat, "I understand Bella."

"Good." I whisper before collapsing on my couch.

He turns to walk towards the door before looking back at me.

"I will be back Bella. I've finally found you and I'm not letting go."

I nod because I really do hope that once things are over for him that we can try once more.

He gives me one last longing look before he's gone.

My heart shatters the moment the door closes.

I grab my phone off the coffee table and press down on the number three button.

It takes her two rings to before she answers.

"Alice, I need you."


	36. Chapter 36

**Well it seems you guys saw EXACTLY what i wanted you to see. LMAO good you're paying attention. I'm glad.**

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><p>"So he's married?" Alice asked as I nodded.<p>

"Yes, and apparently there's a pre-nup involved."

"Well you'd hope there would be with a woman like that."

I laughed as she smiled.

"Bella, you do realize that Edward hasn't exactly voided the pre-nup right?"

I looked at her as she stared at me.

"What? He started dating me and we've kissed a few times."

"Yeah that's all good, but in order for the pre-nup to be null and void you have to sleep together."

I stared at her as the words sunk in.

"We only went out on a couple dates. Once I realized what he was up to I didn't even think about sleeping with him."

"In this case that's a wonderful thing Bella."

I leaned back against the couch as she patted my leg.

"Bella you have to realize that this isn't your fault. You just went out with a guy you thought was amazing. You have no idea he was married."

"But everyone else did."

She sighed and laid back as well.

"Jamie said he didn't know. He thought he was setting you up with someone single. He didn't know Edward was in the middle of some divorce that would never end. He feels really bad Bella."

I looked down at my hands before looking back at her.

"I know he does."

"Please talk to him." She whispered and I knew instantly that I would.


	37. Chapter 37

**I think it's Edward's turn again and then we'll go back to Bella.**

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><p><strong>EPOV:<strong>

Leaving Bella was the hardest thing I had ever done. But I knew it had to. At least for now.

Keeping this secret from her had been a huge mistake. I knew it, yet I continued to go against my better judgment.

The minute I met Bella I should have pulled Tanya aside and told her that I would do anything just so long as this was over.

But I hadn't done that.

I shook my head as I pulled into the driveway of the house I hated almost as much as I hated my wife.

I'd hated this place when we bought it, but at the time I was so ready to just settle down and begin our lives that I would have moved into a paper bag if she wanted me to.

I laughed to myself as I thought about how love sick and childish I had been when we first got married.

I'd closed myself off to the truth about my wife.

Hell the pre-nup had been my parent's idea and I'd fought them tooth and nail about it until finally giving in at the sight of my mother's tears.

I didn't learn the truth about the woman I'd pledged my life to until I found her in the arms of best friend Peter.

Even the thought of what I'd seen makes my blood run cold.


	38. Chapter 38

**Hey guys! how about an early update since you guys had so many questions. I'll answer them all at the bottom I promise.**

**I really hate Tanya...just so you know.  
><strong>

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><p>"Good you're home." She says as I close the door behind me.<p>

"Yeah whatever," I whisper before walking towards the bar to drown my sorrows.

"What your little girlfriend dump you?"

I choke on my drink as I spin around to face her.

She laughs as I try to catch my breath, my chest aching from the lack of air.

"How did you-"

"Oh I know everything Edward." She snarls and I glare at her.

"You don't know shit Tanya."

"I know that you've voided the pre-nup." She declares which makes me laugh.

"You know what I thought I had too. But want to know a little secret wifey?" I say as she glares at me.

"What?"

"I didn't fuck her."

My head falls to side as her hand connects with my cheek. I know it'll be red in the morning and for once I don't give a damn.

"Don't fucking lie to me!" She screams and I glare at her.

"I wouldn't sleep with her while still being married to you." I grab my glass and quickly down the rest of it.

The scotch burns my throat as it goes down and I welcome it.

She rolls her eyes at me before stomping off.

I make a vow to myself to end this in the morning before pouring myself another glass.

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><p><strong>Okay answer time.<strong>

**1. Are they legally separated?**

_Technically they are. They've filed everything and the paperwork is in the works. The only thing is they cant agree on a damn thing. Therefore they are still technically married. I'm not 100% on how pre-nups work. A friend of mine had one when she divorced her husband and it was null and void when He slept with some woman. So I'm kind of taking some inspiration from there. Only in Edward's case he cant prove that she did that. My friend could, she had photos._

**2. Are Jamie and James the same person?**

_HAHAHA i totally forgot to change that. I wrote some of Edward's parts before I decided on what Bella's gay best friend's name was going to be. So instead I have changed it from James to Peter. Sorry for the confusion._

**3. Why the hell does Bella want to be with a douche like that?**

_Glad you asked. Well she doesn't really seem as such. At least not right now. When she found out he was married she just saw him as the asshole out to break her heart, but she never saw him as a douche._

**4. You realize you're writing an Edward that no one likes, right?**

_I know and honestly i don't like him right now either. But he does get better. I mean look at the poor guy. He's stuck in a marriage he hates because his bitch of a wife wont let him go. He's falling for a woman who doesn't want him because he's married to said bitch. Yeah those things would make the guy a little...depressing i suppose._

**5. Why are these so short?**

_Because it's a drabble or at least that's what it's supposed to be. I totally went over the word limit a long time ago. Opps._

**6. Why arent you going through a beta to correct the mistakes?**

_My normal beta is VERY busy and therefore doesn't have a lot of time to edit two or three chapters a day for me that i'd need back like the next day. So I just decided to post without one. I will at some point go back and correct my mistakes. I know there's a lot of them, but that's what happens when you try to do it on your own._

**7. Are you working on anything else other than this?**

_Glad you asked and yes I am. I'm working on an untitled drabble about an adopted little girl and i'm also working on the next chapter of the one that got away. I'm also on the side working on a REALLY long o/s called Leave out all the rest. So yeah I'm working on a lot._

**8. How did Bella find herself back with Edward?**

_Well they sorta- wait you know what they'll give it away. You'll have to wait for that one guys. But just know...you cant really pick who you fall for. It just sort of happens._

**kag0515- i wanted to tell you that you were right in chapter 35. I wasn't ignoring your question. I hoped that by waiting till the next update to answer you it would work out better. I hope i answered it for ya.**

**Alright that is all. I'll be updating on more time later tonight. **

**You can follow me on twitter at allienicole16**


	39. Chapter 39

**Uh okay Edward might be in a little trouble this chapter. **

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><p>"Oh god," I groan, grabbing my head as I sit up.<p>

I look around the room and realize that I must have passed out on the couch.

My hands fall into my lap and I quickly realize that my fly is open and my dick is hanging outside of my pants.

"What the fuck?" I whisper as laughter suddenly fills the room.

My eyes make contact with the wicked witch of the west as she smiles at me.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" I glare as she laughs even harder.

"Oh Bella, fuck me harder," She moans and I shoot up off the couch.

"Don't say her fucking name."

"Don't have fucking sex dreams about her in my fucking house." She snarls before walking towards the front door.

"Why the fuck are my pants open?" I ask, just knowing she has something to do with it.

"I had to get you to shut up somehow." She says before slamming the door in my face.


	40. Chapter 40

**I am so sorry! Holiday's just snuck up on me and I have seriously had no time to even write a line for these chapters until tonight. So you're getting like 3 or 4 tonight okay? okay.**

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><p>I moved out of our home that night.<p>

There was something not right about how I woke up the next morning.

Everything felt really…off.

It didn't help that Tanya would laugh every god damn time she saw me.

Stupid fucking bitch…I hate her.

I moved into an apartment I'd been looking at for the past three weeks.

The guy who rented it out to me said I could move in whenever I wanted.

Now I'm glad I looked when I did.


	41. Chapter 41

**Awe Jamie how i love when you come into my head and fuck with Edward. **

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><p>James called a couple nights after I moved out of the house. He begged me to meet him and a couple of his friends for drinks.<p>

I made sure we weren't going to another gay bar.

The man does not take a hint, especially when I tell him that getting hit on all night is not my cup of tea.

He just laughs and smiles.

Jerk.

However tonight he promised it was a straight bar and that he was with a bunch of straight people.

I figured what the hell. What harm could it do?

Not like I have anything worth giving a damn about at this point.


	42. Chapter 42

**Seriously I love when he screws with him!**

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><p>"Eddie!" Jamie calls as I walk up to the booth he's sitting in.<p>

"Hey James," I say with a glare as he stops.

"Look you don't like Eddie and I don't like Edward. Can we just agree to disagree honey?" He says and I roll my eyes.

"It's fine."

"Hey man he still calls me Emmy bear and I've known him for fifteen years."

I look around James and spot a huge guy sitting next to the spot James just vacated.

"Emmy bear? Really dude?" I ask, looking back at James.

"What? He looks like a big giant teddy bear." James says before walking back to take his seat.

I sit down across from them and a waitress walks over.

"Can I get you anything handsome?"

I smile at her as she flaunts her huge fake tits in my face. "I'll have-"

"He'll have a gin and vermouth." James says before I can finish.

The waitress walks away and James laughs.

"What the hell, I can order my own drink you know."

"Yeah well I didn't like that girl looking at a taken man."


	43. Chapter 43

**I bet you guys are thinking...wait didnt Edward meet Emmett at the hospital for the first time. Well that's where he met him as Bella's step brother. Here he has no idea and I wont for a few months. Any way! Quick note my daughter is turning 2 on Saturday so i'm throwing her a big party...well I'm hoping I'll be able to update up until friday. We'll see. Either way we'll be back with every day updates next week. **

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><p>I roll my eyes and turn to the big guy beside James.<p>

"I'm Edward," I say, holding out my hand.

He takes it and I'm amazed by his strength.

"I'm Emmett."

"Nice to meet you Emmett."

"Likewise."

"So how do you know this idiot?" I ask as James makes a strangled cry.

"I've known him since we were kids. We all hung around in the same group throughout middle and high school."

"Yep," James says, interrupting Emmett, "Only Emmy bear here doesn't realize I only hung out with him because he was so hot."

Emmett glares at him. "I told you man, I'm freaking married. Back off."

I laugh because it's nice to see James put in his place every once and a while.


	44. Chapter 44

**Hey guys. Two short ones tonight. However if you go to my profile, i have a link for the banner of this story and a photo album of what the characters look like to me. Check it out. **

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><p>Emmett was turning out to be a pretty cool guy. He knew more dirt on James than I could have ever thought imaginable and didn't mind sharing a little.<p>

We were spending most the night taking turns messing with James while he glared at us and texted from his phone.

I figured he was probably talking to Victor so I encouraged him to invite whomever he was texting to join us.

All in all the night was turning out be a complete success.

At least it was until James uttered the one sentence that would kill my ongoing buzz.

"Hey Belly-bean!"


	45. Chapter 45

**And Bella joins the guys. By the way tomorrow might be the last day for updates until Sunday. Sorry in advance if that happens. **

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><p>She looked the same as she had when I walked out of her apartment. Her hair was down in long cascading waves against her shoulders just begging for me to run my fingers through them.<p>

Her jeans hugged her in all the right areas, while her tight blue shirt just begged me to rip it off her.

All in all she looked beautiful.

It took her all of two seconds to realize that James wasn't alone and that I was in fact there.

I knew the moment she realized I was there.

Her eyes went from a happy brown to a sad dull brown in seconds.

I longed to fix what I had broken in that moment.

"Emmett," she whispered as the bigger man hugged her to him.

"Bells, I missed you." He said just loud enough for us to hear him and she smiled.

"I missed you too," She whispered back.

I looked away, instead choosing to converse with James.

"What?" I asked as he stared at me.

"Nothing," he said before turning back towards the dance floor.

"Hey Edward," I turned around and smiled when I saw her smiling at me.


	46. Chapter 46

**I am soooo sorry. Things got so crazy over the holiday and with my daughter's birthday. Well I've been playing catch up. On top that tonight is my last class so I'm really busy trying to make sure everything is all settled for my externship. Ah crazy. Anyway, I'm really sorry I didn't post last night. I have three chapters for ya today. I hope you enjoy them. Oh and I'm working on putting together a timeline that I'll post as an extra chapter for you soon just so everyone can keep up. Thanks!**

* * *

><p>"Can we talk?" She asked as I stared at her.<p>

"Sure," I say as she takes me hand.

We walk through the crowds until finally making our way out the back door to the alley.

She drops my hand and puts a great distance between us.

"Bella-"

"Jamie invited you didn't he?" She asks.

"Yes," I whisper and she sighs.

"I didn't know you'd be here."

"Bella, I'm sorry I can-"

"No," she grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving, "I don't want you to go."


	47. Chapter 47

"Bella, I've missed you."

She drops my arm and takes a step back.

"I've missed you too, but it doesn't change anything Edward."

"I left her."

Her head flies up and she stares at me.

"You left her?"

"I moved into a hotel a couple days ago. Something weird happened and I realized that I wanted you."

"Edward-"

"No Bella," I say closing the distance between us, "I've missed you more than anything. I've barely slept because all I can do I think about you. I know we weren't together long, but what I feel for you…"

She smiles at me and for the first time since I told her the truth it reaches her eyes.


	48. Chapter 48

**I know they're short but you know the drill. See ya tomorrow!**

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><p>"So does that mean you're getting divorced for real now?" She asks and I nod.<p>

"My lawyer is drawing up all the paperwork. I'm giving her what she wants."

"Edward that's your money,"

"If keeping that money means staying married to her and never getting the opportunity to be with you, then I don't care she can have it all."

She slams into my chest and for the first time in weeks I feel true happiness.


	49. Chapter 49

**only one tonight...not really feeling well. **

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><p>She pulls back and smiles up at me.<p>

"So you're really getting a divorce?"

I smile and nod down at her.

"Bella, I don't want to wait until it's final to be with you."

"I don't either." She whispers.

I cradle her face in hands as I lean down to brush my lips gently against hers.

Her lips move against mine as the kiss gains intensity to the point where we have to pull away to catch our breath.

"Edward-"

"Bella-"

We laugh and she smiles at me.

"Want to come back to my place?" She whispers.


	50. Chapter 50

**You know you guys are amazing right? Well in case you didnt i wrote this for you. Enjoy!**

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><p>The minute the door closes behind us our clothes are scattered around the room.<p>

We fight for dominance as we make our way across her tiny apartment towards what I can only assume is her bed room.

I fall on top of her as she pulls me against her.

We collapse against her bed, our lips fighting for control over the other.

I pull back as I line myself up with her heat, my eyes connect with hers and she nods.

"Bella, do I need?" I ask, already knowing she gets my question.

"I'm on the pill." She whispers before I push myself into her warm, wet heat.

She moans as her muscles contract around me.

I know our first time won't last long.

She's too tight around me and it's been too long since the last time I was enclosed in any kind of heat.

She moans and whimpers as my thrusts pick up speed until I feel her walls start to flutter.

Her muscles contract around me and I'm lost in a sea of pleasure.

It's at that exact moment that I know…she's it for me.


	51. Chapter 51

**Sorry about this weekend. It's been busy. Our dog passed away this weekend and it's just been a mess. On top of that I start extern tomorrow. Ah busy week. I do have 5 chapters prewritten so you'll get two of those tonight. Enjoy!  
><strong>

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><p>I know she's awake.<p>

I can feel her eyes on me as I fake sleep for just a little longer.

I know that the minute I open my eyes she's going to tell me that she made a mistake.

I just want to hold onto this moment a little bit longer.

Is it wrong?

I fight back the sigh that threatens to escape as her hand gently caresses my cheek.

She's trying to coax me awake. I know she is.

God, what I wouldn't give to be able to spend the rest of my days with this woman.

"Edward, I know you're awake." She whispers.

Damn.


	52. Chapter 52

**This chapter and the next few are Bella pov**

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><p><strong>BPOV:<strong>

I know he's awake.

He's been faking it for the last twenty minutes and it's really starting to annoy me.

Does he regret what happened?

Is he trying to figure out a way to get out of this?

My mind is running a mile a minute and all I want to do is reach out and strangle him.

But I don't.

Instead I gently run my fingers down his cheek, gently trying to wake him.

He fights it that much is obvious.

Deciding that I've had enough I call out to him.

"Edward, I know you're awake."


	53. Chapter 53

**OMG FF has been a little brat tonight. Finally got to update. Want to pimp out another story btw...it's called the Five mistakes that led me to you****, it's by catastrophia **

**here's the link:**

http:/ www . fanfiction . net /s/7702452/1/The_Five_Mistakes_I_Made_That_Led_Me_to_You (remove the spaces)

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><p>He opens his eyes and we share a look.<p>

It isn't one of those sappy oh my god I'm so in love with you looks.

It's one of pure terror.

However it's a look I didn't expect him to be wearing as well.

We're both terrified of what the other is going to say or do and that gives me some comfort.

"Bella," he whispers and I look at him again, "say something baby."

He calls me baby and I know…this is what he wants after all.


	54. Chapter 54

**Ugh i really dislike FF lately. I could log in just fine however i couldnt upload the latest chapters. Really freaking sucks. So here are the two i promised and tomorrow it looks like i'll be stuck indoors all day. So in between my first playthrough of Batman Arkham City I'll be writing and posting the next few chapters. Enjoy these two and I'll see ya tomorrow. **

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><p>Our morning goes about as well as you'd expect.<p>

We lay down some ground rules when it comes to our relationship.

I don't ask him to do much except for one thing.

I don't want him alone with Tanya.

I'm worried about what will happen after what he experienced with her the other day.

I'm also worried that she did something to him.

Waking up with your pants undone is NOT normal.

I try to tell him this but he says while it is weird Tanya wouldn't do something as rape him in his sleep.

I don't believe it.

I've seen what women like her can do.

I make a mental note to talk with Jasper about what Maria did to him.


	55. Chapter 55

**So i love Jasper and Alice in this chapter. Brutally honest little bitches that they are. Oh and if you havent heard, JAMash and a few other authors are having another drabble war this weekend! Some good stuff there. Check it out!**

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><p>"So you're together?" Alice asks as her hand slips into Jaspers.<p>

"Yes, he's pushing the divorce through. He even moved out." I say as Jasper nods.

"Bella are you sure this is a good idea?" He asks as I stare at him.

"Jasper I love him."

"I know that Bella, it's written all over your face. I'm just worried that you're going to get hurt if things don't go as planned."

"How wouldn't things go as planned?"

He looks at Alice then looks at me.

"Bella when I left my first wife she didn't take the news well at all."

I nod, encouraging him to continue.

"She did everything she could to keep me."

Alice rubs her hand against Jasper's back as I watch them.

"She even tried to have a baby." He says as my heart stops.

"Wait what?"

Alice looks at me and nods.

"She got pregnant on purpose and tried to pass it off as Jaspers."

"Was it?" I ask as he shakes his head.

"No and on top of that the baby was stillborn. I didn't even know she wasn't mine until the autopsy results were in." He says as a tear falls from his eyes.

"If she wants him bad enough Bella, she'll do anything to keep him." Alice warns as my heart sinks.


	56. Chapter 56

**I feel really bad about yesterday. I did write...five chapters worth and a bit of my o/s...but i got so into batman...ugh. Anyway here's the five chapters for ya tonight. Enjoy. **

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><p>Crap.<p>

That's how I felt.

I mean it if I could summarize in one word exactly what I felt like it would have to be crap.

My stomach kept knotting up every twenty seconds and I swear I'd taken at least twelve trips to the bathroom since I got out of bed this morning.

Oh and don't even get my started on the nausea.

I feel like I'm about to die.

Alice thinks it's funny considering I never get sick.

It's always her who brings the nasty germs into this house.

She's been laughing since I first started feeling like this.

Damn her.


	57. Chapter 57

Edward is starting to get worried.

I know he is because I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me.

I know he wants me to go see a doctor but I don't see the point.

They're just going to tell me that I have the flu.

Rest and plenty of fluids will be there answer to my problems.

I don't need to spend thirty dollars to have someone tell me something I already know.

It's only been a week.

It's just the flu…


	58. Chapter 58

**You can probably already guess what's going on. **

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><p>"Miss. Swan, are you alright?"<p>

I know it's my doctor speaking and I know I should be answering him, but what he said…it cant be true.

"Miss. Swan?"

I look up into the face of Dr. Brown, a man who has been my doctor for as long as I can remember.

His eyes show nothing but concern and I kind of want to smack him for that.

"I'm alright."

"Bella," he says as his hand falls down to my knee in a comforting way, "are you sure you're alright? Do you need me to call someone for you?"

I shake my head as he sighs.

"Alright." He stands up and walks back to the chart on the desk across the room.

"What do I do now?" I ask my voice tiny and hoarse.

"You need to decide what time of care you'd like?"

"What do you mean?" I ask as he smiles.

"You can by all means continue to see me, but this is really something that most woman go to a gynecologist for."

I look down at the ground and sigh before looking back up at him.

"I'm really pregnant, aren't I?"


	59. Chapter 59

**Yep Bella you got yourself knocked up!**

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><p>I look back down at my watch again before looking back up at Edward.<p>

He's been sitting there for a good twenty two minutes since I told him what the doctor said.

My mind is filled with questions.

Why didn't my pill work?

How is this happening?

Will he leave me?

How will this affect his divorce?

Are we going to get married?

Can we please wait to get married?

Does he still love me?

"Bella," he grabs me and pulls me against him, "baby of course I love you." He whispers into my ear.

Opps I think I said that last one out loud.


	60. Chapter 60

**Have you guys ever seen the episode of How I met your mother with Jennifer Lopez? The one where she has that book take a look at yourself you dumb slut? I really feel like there needs to be a book like that written for poor Bella. There's going to be a time jump soon. I really want to get the past covered so i can work with the future bombshell. Okay? Okay**

* * *

><p>"I want to keep the baby." I say once we've finished crying and holding one another.<p>

"I do too." He whispers.

"What about your divorce?"

"It'll be finalized soon and we can start planning our future."

"I don't want to get married. At least not like this." I say as he nods.

"Me neither. If we get married I want it to be for us, not because of the baby."

We share a smile before he pulls me against him.

"I love you Isabella Swan."

"I love you too Edward Cullen."


	61. Chapter 61

**Okay I know exactly what you're going to say. Allie where the hell have you been. Well look okay I got busy. extern is hard. I have to be up really early and figuring out childcare. AHHHH! anyway i have like 6 or 7 chapters for you tonight. I feel really bad about not updating. There was a lot of circumstances. On top of that someone left me a review saying this story sucked. Yeah that didnt help on bit. Anyway enjoy. This one has a special POV. **

* * *

><p>? POV:<p>

He thinks he's really going to get rid of me that easily.

Fucker has another thing coming if he thinks I'm just going to let him walk away from me.

I took exactly what I needed from him before he moved out and I plan to use it.

I'm going to show him that no one walks away from me.

That smug, arrogant son of a bitch is going to get exactly what he deserves.


	62. Chapter 62

**Oh Edward i wish i had him for my lawyer too. **

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><p>EPOV:<p>

Lawyers have to be some of the most annoying people on the face of the earth.

I mean seriously, they ask the dumbest questions known to man and if they don't deem that your answer is within their expected parameters then you have to try again.

I'm sick of answering questions that I obviously don't have the right answers to.

God I'm about twenty seconds from firing this asshole and begging for Marshall from How I met your Mother.

At least with him I'd get a few laughs in with the mix.

"Mr. Cullen, I know you're sick of these questions but I have to ask again. Are you sure you have no other ties to Mrs. Cullen?"

"No!" I say as I stand up, "the only fucking tie I have left to that stupid woman is the damn house we own, but she's getting that in the divorce so it won't be mine much longer."

He sighs and rubs his temple. "Mr. Cullen, either you're completely ignoring the fact or it hasn't yet reached your ears."

"What fact?" I ask, suddenly wondering what the hell he's talking about.

"She hasn't told you?"

"No," I say as he rolls his eyes and I finally get to see a glimpse the real person underneath this persona.

"Your wife is pregnant."


	63. Chapter 63

I'm pretty sure that I commit about ten moving violations on my way to that bitch's house, but I don't really give a damn at this point.

All I know for certain is that if she is pregnant it sure as fuck isn't mine.

I slam on my breaks and cut the engine before jumping out of the still warm car.

"TANYA!" I scream, not really giving a damn if the neighbors hear me or not.

"What the fuck do you want?" She cries as the door slams open.

"What the fuck are you telling the lawyers now?" I cry.

She looks at me for a second before she starts laughing.

It's not your normal laughter either, oh no this is her 'I got one over on you' laugh.

It's a laughter I've come to know very well over the last couple years.

"What the fuck did you do?" I growl, my words barely managing to make it past my lips.

"I got exactly what I wanted from you asshole and there's not a god damn thing you can do about it."

"It's not mine."

"Want to bet?" She challenges and in that instant I know.

"That's why my pants were unbuttoned. You raped me!" I cry as she laughs again.

"Not exactly," she starts walking in the house and I follow, "you were so passed out drunk that it didn't take much to get you going."

"What the fuck!" I cry as I slam the door behind me.

"You kept calling me Bella. So I just sort of went with it. But it got me what I wanted." She smiles and it takes everything I have in me not to wipe that smile off her face.

"What do you want?"

"Well let's see…I still want everything I'm already getting from you plus child support for Junior here." She says as her hands falls to her still slim stomach.

"I'll get custody."

"You think so?" She asks as I nod.

"I will."

"We'll see about that."


	64. Chapter 64

I want to tell her.

God, do I want to tell her.

It's been two months since Tanya dropped the bombshell on me.

Two months of pure agony as the lawyers finished up our divorce.

Bella stood by me as Tanya took everything from me.

She even let me move in with her until I got back on my feet.

I was grateful to her.

I didn't however manage to tell her about the baby.

The baby that I didn't want, the one I was determined to get away from that shrew of a woman.

I know that I need to tell her, but I can't.

She's in no condition to hear about this.

Especially not after what the doctor told her yesterday.

Apparently Bella has really high blood pressure and it isn't good for the baby right now.

They've got her on mild bed rest.

Basically she can go to work but she has to be sitting at all times and when she gets home she has to be in bed at all times.

She calls it her career woman bed rest.

Either way we can't put our little girl in danger.

We found out we're having a girl yesterday.

I can't believe that in five months I'm going to be a father.


	65. Chapter 65

BPOV:

He's disappearing again.

He says he's going out with the guys but I know that isn't true.

Jamie hasn't seen him a week and Vic says that he hasn't returned a single one of his phone calls.

I don't know what is going on but I'm determined to find out.

I wait until he kisses my head and closes the door behind him.

Tonight I'm going to follow him.

I have to find out where he's going.


	66. Chapter 66

BPOV:

I follow him across town towards the more expensive part of town.

My heart breaks as his car pulls into a driveway.

He's seeing someone else.

I fucking knew it.

I turn around a couple houses down before parking across the street from the house.

I can see them from the window.

She's got her arms around him and he's standing there, just letting her climb all over him.

I fucking hate that stupid bitch.

The tears fall freely as I start to pull away.

I'm done with Edward Cullen I promise myself.

I'm done.


	67. Chapter 67

**Okay to clarify...i use to think when a guy is REALLY drunk they couldnt get it up either. Well I was proven wrong about a year ago. So anyway for this story we're going to assume that he did...that he was having some kind of sex dream while sleeping and she took advantage of that. **

* * *

><p>EPOV:<p>

I walk into the room and pull my clothes off.

She's asleep, just as I hoped she would be.

I hate that I keep sneaking around behind her, but I have to make sure that bitch isn't going to do anything.

I know that I need to tell Bella.

The guilt is eating at me, especially when she looks at me the way she did tonight.

I know she knows that something is going on.

I sigh as I get into bed, my arms wrapping tightly around her.

She sniffles and I notice that she's been crying.

"Bella," I say as I turn her gently to her back, "baby, are you alright?"

"It hurts Edward." She whimpers.

I pull down the sheet and it's then that I notice the blood.


	68. Chapter 68

**Alright so let me make something clear...from the beginning I said Tanya is pregnant, Bella and Edward lost a baby. I said that from the beginning. Okay so please explain to me why Tanya being pregnant is a shock to some people? please? Grr. Sorry got a really nasty review followed by a couple nasty messages. You know exactly who you are BTW! Anyway I will continue this story as I intended to in the first place. **

**With that out of the way here's fuckward. **

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><p>One word was all it took to completely destroy me.<p>

One word.

It's amazing how all a few simple syllables turned me into a pile of nothing.

It only took the doctor two minutes to tell me and in those two minutes I lost the world.

He explained everything to me in epic detail after he said the word.

He told me details that I argued with him about until he finally said that evidence doesn't lie.

Now I just want to know what happened.

Why did this happen?

Could we have stopped it?

Could I have stopped it?

Miscarriage…that's fucking horrible word.


	69. Chapter 69

**Here's Bella!**

* * *

><p>"Edward," I groan as the light above my head shines directly into my eyes.<p>

"I'm here baby," he whispers as my hands reach out to find him.

It takes only seconds for him to grab my hand and a wave of calm to come over me.

I open my eyes just a little and he smiles at me.

"Hi baby," he whispers.

I go to answer him when the memories come back to me.

I pull my hand away from his and he tries to grab it again.

"Bella-"

"Who is she Edward?"

"What?"

"I know you've been going to a woman's house every night. I want to know who she is."

He sighs before his head hangs down in defeat.

I know I've got him and instead of victory I feel nothing but pain.

"Tanya." He whispers and I laugh.

"Your fucking ex wife!" I yell as he looks up at me.

"It's not what you think."

"The hell it isn't. Edward she took you for everything you have. Why the fuck are you still sleeping with her! Why the fuck are you even with me!"

I yell as he pushes further and further from the bed.

I try to get up to follow and that's when I realize where we are.

"Edward, what the hell are we doing in the hospital?"

He looks at me, pain all over his face.

"Baby," he tries to take my hand again and I quickly pull it away.

"Just tell me." I say, my teeth clenched tight.

"I came home and found you…Bella you were bleeding."

My heart sinks as my hands fall to my stomach.

I already know what he's going to say before he even says it.

"Miscarriage Bella…they said you had a miscarriage."


	70. Chapter 70

**We're getting closer to the present day stuff. Couple more past things before fuckward can start to redeem himself. **

* * *

><p>I don't remember much of the next few days.<p>

I remember Alice helping me climb into my bed and curling her small body against mine.

I remember Edward trying to comfort me before Jasper pushed him out of the house.

I remember him begging for me to just listen and hear him out.

I remember the day he came and moved all his things out of my house and Alice's request.

Other than that I don't remember much.

It's been a dark hole ever since we lost her.

It's like the minute I found out she was gone a piece of myself died along with her.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

Everything was supposed to finally work out for me.

I was finally going to get the guy of my dreams and we were going to have a baby.

What had I done that was so wrong that I had to be punished in this cruel way?

Where had I gone wrong?

Edward calls every day and every day I don't answer.

I know that someday soon we're going to have to talk.

His voicemails are becoming more and more insistent and I know at some point I'm going to have to face things.

I just don't know when that time is going to be.


	71. Chapter 71

**Okay lots of concerns in the reviews. Alright so look yeah this is going to be a HEA. I promise. On top of that he will redeem himself. They just wont...you know what that's a spoiler...should i give it to you? Hmmmmm...maybe on the last update for today. **

* * *

><p>He wants to talk.<p>

I want to listen, I suppose.

Everyone keeps telling me that talking to him is going to help me.

I don't believe them.

I know what he did.

I know what he's still doing.

I know that he lied to me.

The lawyer stopped by my place today.

I know what is really going on.

I know that he is still lying to me.


	72. Chapter 72

**U want that spoiler guys?**

* * *

><p>"Bella I didn't know," He whispers as I walk away from him.<p>

"Whatever just get out." I say as I retreat to me room.

He grabs me and pulls me back to him.

"Bella I didn't know about it."

"How could you not know? Aren't these things thoroughly checked before processing everything?"

He curses and I know there's more to this that I'm not seeing.

"Bella she's a bitch…a manipulative, sneaky little bitch."

"Then why are you going to see her every day?"

"Because she's having my child Bella."

My mind blanks before I crumble to the floor.


	73. Chapter 73

**Hmm should i give ya the spoiler? hmm lol**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV:<strong>

"Get the fuck out!" I struggle against Emmett, the big giant behemoth as he tries to wrestle me out of Bella's apartment.

I called James after she passed out and he quickly called in the cavalry.

The cavalry consists of Alice, her boyfriend who I've only talked to twice, Emmett and his wife Rosalie, all of which apparently hate my guts.

Oh and they all know that I'm married.

Great…

"Just get out Edward." Alice whispers as she cradles Bella in her arms.

"I can't leave Alice. I told her something and I need to tell her the whole truth."

"You can tell her later." Alice says before Jasper moves to help Emmett wrestle me out.

"Guys please I have to tell her!" I shout as they finally get me through the doorway.

"Stay the fuck away from Bella." Emmett snarls before the door is slammed in my face.

At this point I'm honestly not sure if I should be upset or grateful that they've kicked me out.

Without me being there at least Bella won't get hurt any more.


	74. Chapter 74

"Ali-"I start before she quickly shakes her head.

"You passed out honey. I think the lack of food and rest has finally caught up with you."

I struggle to remember what happened until it finally comes back to me.

"Where's Edward?" I ask, frantically searching for him.

"Emmett and Jasper kicked him out a little while ago."

"Why? " I moan as she rubs my back.

"Honey he said he upset you."

Tears fall from my eyes as I look up at her. "He's always upsetting me. What else is new?"

"Oh Bella," She pulls me into her arms as I slag against her.

My mind is racing at the words he said.

He's having a baby with his ex wife…oh no wait I'm sorry wife.

My heart aches at the thought of them having a child together.

Tanya, from what I can tell, is nothing but a heartless, angry little woman who will do anything to get what she wants and Edward…

Edward is a man who honestly trusts too easily.

I want to hate him…I really do.

But I can't.

I push Alice away and stand up slowly.

"Bella what are you doing?"

"I need to talk to him."

"Bella come on you have to stop," I look at her and she has tears running down her cheeks.

"Alice?"

"You lost Macy four weeks ago. Bella you haven't grieved for her at all. All you've done is sit in your home like a zombie. You don't even realize how many times we've tried to get a hold of you. How many times I've come over and stood out there waiting for you to let me in."

Her words hurt as I try to remember if I ever once heard her calling.

"Bella you're dying in here. I can't stand by and just watch you die." She cries as I pull her into my arms.

Am I really dying?


	75. Chapter 75

**Spoiler at the bottom. **

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><p>I watch my family as they try to register exactly what I've just told them.<p>

I can see the shock and anger on their features as they finally grasp everything.

I know exactly what each one of them will say, but I'm not exactly prepared for it.

"Bella," Emmett says as he gets down on his knees in front of me.

"Emmett get up." I whisper, he shakes his head.

"Please sis, don't do this to yourself. You need to let this guy go. He's bad new Bella and he's only going to destroy you."

I watch my brother beg and plead with me to walk way, but I know deep down inside that I can't.

At least not until I get some answers.

"Bella-"

"Guys look I just need to get some answer before I can finally close the door on him. I have to know how it happened."

"Bella," Rosalie says as I turn to her, "we just don't want anything to happen to you."

"I'll be fine. Look you guys want me to move past this and start grieving right?"

They all nod so I give them a small smile.

"This is part of that. I have to get my answers before I start to move on. You understand that right?"

They all nod before sighing.

"Bella," Jasper says, "Just be careful alright? It's hard to walk away even if you're dead set on it."

I nod to him, knowing that he's been through this once before.

Now all I have to do is find Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>So i'm losing some of you. I'm sorry. I really am. This is my first angst piece and it's really gotten away from me. The angst is almost over for the most part. Ugh i wanted 100 and this turned into over 100 chapters. Okay so here's the spoiler, they will have a happy ending but Bella is about to do something that A LOT of you are not going to like. But i need you to realize something...she is grieving just not the right way! She's pushing the pain back and focusing on trying to find out what happened. Therefore her judgement...well it's not the greatest. Anyway as soon as the past stuff is over we head back to the present and the chapters will get longer. I'm thinking 500 words or more per chapter. I want to get this done so i can focus on some other projects. I guess I'm asking should i continue?<br>**


	76. Chapter 76

**So basically all of you want me to keep going. thanks I really appreciate that. So with that being said you get three tonight! yay! Enjoy and please forgive Bella...she's...well she's not doing so good. **

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><p>They say that you make stupid decisions when you're grieving.<p>

You just don't realize how stupid they are until AFTER you've done them.

I however do not think I am making a stupid decision.

My friends and family think otherwise, but I know better.

I know that what I'm doing is the right thing to do.

I feel that going to see Edward all by myself is the absolute right thing to do.

So then why do I have such a terrible feeling in my gut?

* * *

><p><strong>Oh and totally going to pimp a couple stories here. The Blackened Flame by Catastrophia, Fanfiction, Sex Gods and Single girls by bannerday, and I'm Sexy and I know it! by Reyes139<br>**

**Fanfiction, Sex Gods and Single girls is a fanfiction within a fanfiction. You just gotta read it. It's great!**

**The Blackened flame is about a totally different Bella, who has been burned by love and it's all because of her ex boyfriend Edward. It's a REALLY sad one that is currently a WIP, along with being a drabble. It's good though so check it out!**

**I'm Sexy and I know it! is freaking hilarious. Total dork pimpward and his sexy, fiesty little Bella. It's complete right now so check it out! It's a good one to read after all this angst.**


	77. Chapter 77

**Longish one**

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><p>"Bella?" He asks as the door opens slightly.<p>

"I'm here to get my answers." I say and he nods.

He knew I was going to come, I can tell by the way he looks at me.

He just didn't know how soon I'd get there.

His new hotel room is cheap looking, but that's to be expected considering he has barely any money now.

"Can I get you something?"

"No," I shake my head and he sits down beside me.

I don't want him that close, not for the conversation we're about to have.

"I want to know how and when." I quickly say, because I honestly want to just get this over with.

"I didn't sleep with her if that's what you're thinking." He says, but I'm not stupid.

I know where babies come from.

"Edward, come on." I say with an eye roll.

"I'm serious Bella. I didn't sleep with her." He insists.

"Fine then how do you know she's pregnant with your child?"

He looks at the ground then back at me. "The night you broke things off with me I went back to the house. I was hell bent on ending this shame of a marriage. However I was also really upset about how things had ended with you. So I got a little drunk."

My stomach twists at his words. "You were drunk?"

"No!" He says as he grabs my hands only to have them yanked away a second later.

"Just tell me." I plead and he finally gets it.

"I fell asleep and when I woke up my pants were undone and hanging off my hips." He whispers almost to himself.

"Your pants were undone?"

"Yes," he says, "and Tanya was laughing. She told me that she had to get me to shut up somehow."

"What's that supposed to me?"

"She said I was calling out your name in my sleep."

"You were having a sex dream about me?"

"Yes," he says as his face turns red out of embarrassment.

"Edward, I thought guys couldn't get it up when they're drunk."

"That's normally true but I was asleep so the whole not getting it up while drunk thing doesn't really apply." He whispers.

"So she took care of it?"

"She had to get me to shut up apparently."

"And now she's pregnant?" I ask, finally starting to see the bigger picture here.

"Yes."

"And you're sure it's yours?"

He looks up at me with such intensity that it knocks me back.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life Bella."

"Well shit."


	78. Chapter 78

**Warning: Bella isnt thinking clearly okay! Neither is dumbward. **

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><p>"Edward," I whisper as I hold out my hand to him.<p>

He takes it and in that instant I realize that I'm going to forgive him.

I'm going to take him back even if it hurts the ones I love.

I just can't stay away from this man.

He pulls me into his arms and cradles me against his chest.

I know what he's asking for.

I know what he wants me to do.

I just don't think I have it in me.

So I do the only thing I can do.

I turn and crash my lips against his.

He kisses me as if our lives depend on it and I start to feel like maybe mine does.

He pulls me against him with such force that I'm almost certain that I'll have slight bruises in the morning.

I don't care though.

All I care about in that second is this man's lips on mine and the things that he can do to my body.

All I care about is him making me forget.

With that thought in mind I turn so that my legs are wrapped around his torso with my center against the hardness in his jeans.

I grind myself on him as he tries to make me stop.

He won't succeed tonight.

I will get what I want.

It takes him a while but when he realizes that this is what I need right now, he gives in.

He turns us until my back is against the couch and he is lying on top of me.

Our clothes are quickly discarded and replaced with kisses and tender touches.

He presses against my wetness and I moan as he sinks inside.

He groans above me and whispers I love you.

I don't have it in me to whisper it back so I pull him into another kiss.

It doesn't last long before we both climax together.

I want to feel terrible about what's just happened, but honestly I don't give a damn.

I just want to forget.


	79. Chapter 79

**Wow lots of theories. Lets see...some of you were on the right track and others were a little off. The general consenses is that dumbward is a moron and bella really needs to get the hell away from him right? Hmm well we're almost back to the present. YAY! I like the present sooo much more. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>"Bella wait!" He shouts as I throw on my clothes as quick as I can.<p>

"This was a mistake." I whisper over and over again as he tries to grab me.

"Bella please we need to talk about this."

I've finally had it and all I want is for him to shut up.

"Shut up! You're married Edward…even after everything you're married." I cry, tears streaming down my face.

"Bella I swear to you I thought it was over. I wish to god it was." He says and I want to believe him.

"Then make it over." I whisper, my voice softer than it was before.

"I will, as soon as the baby is born."

My heart breaks at his words and I realize that it's never going to be over between them.

She's always going to be a part of his life and I'm always just going to be his mistress.

I look up at him and all I want to do is crawl back into his arms.

I want him to protect me.

The funny thing is the one person I need protection from is him.

"I have to…I have to go." I stutter as I push past him.

"Bella please," He cries.

"Edward, just let me go okay…I can't do this anymore."

He grabs me and pulls me into his arms again. He's crying and all I want to do is wrap my arms around him.

"I'll fix it Bella. I'll fix everything."

"You can't," I cry and he cries with me.

He knows that he can't fix anything.

He knows that he's tied to that bitch for the rest of his life.

He knows it and there isn't a damn thing he can do about it.

"I love you Bella."

I look at him as he pulls away from me.

We lock eyes as the words slip from my mouth, almost against my will.

"You might love me, but I'll always be just the mistress."

He doesn't even try to stop me as I walk out.


	80. Chapter 80

**Okay this is it. The chapter before the very first. We're right back at the beginning. Enjoy!**

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><p>It's been two months since I lost the baby and a month since our night together.<p>

I regret that night more than anything else in the world.

I regret it more than being with you in the first place.

I can barely live with myself because of what happened.

My family doesn't know how bad things are.

I don't talk much anymore and while it's killing them to watch me sink into this depression they still come around.

I just want them to go away.

I want everything to go away.

I want the pain of losing the one person in the world I wanted more than anything to just go away.

I want the regret of what we did a month ago to go away.

I want the sadness that is my life to just stop.

I'm sure this is what I want.

I have a plan.

I just have to see you one last time before I go through with this.

* * *

><p><strong>To clarify a few things:<strong>

**Yes Edward and Tanya are still married. The reason being that she forgot to sign a part of the divorce papers. If you've seen scrubs and know what happens with dr. cox and jordan it's similar to that. Basically the lawyer fucked up and they're still married. **

**Edward sees this as an opportunity to make sure that he gets custody of the baby. That's why he wont get divorced. Dont know if that was clear last chapter or not. **

**Bella didnt sleep with Edward to get pregnant. She isnt even thinking that way. She just wanted the pain to stop and that was the way she was going to achieve that. **

**Any other ?'s just send me a pm and i'll get back to you!  
><strong>


	81. Chapter 81

**Only one tonight. My daughter has a pretty nasty cold and it's starting to get me too. Oh and happy news...I graduated today! I am officially no longer a student! YAY!** **Anyway with that being said I am spending a great deal of tomorrow getting some chapters written up before I got on a mad job search. So I'll have a good idea of how much more as of tomorrow. Anyway here is the newest one. It's the start of dumbwards redemption. **

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><p>A week…it's been one week since Bella tried to kill herself.<p>

One week of wondering if there was something I could have done to stop her.

One week of wondering if doing what I thought was right at the time was actually wrong only to realize that I was wrong.

One week of trying to decide what to do.

One week of finally deciding what I needed to actually do.

"Edward," I shake my head and look at my lawyer.

"What is it Jenks?"

He hands me a paper and smiles.

"We received the results of the test. You were right." He says as I smile.

We both share a quick look before I fold the copy up and stand.

"I think it's time I show Tanya whose boss."

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><p><strong>Yeah Edward LIKE A BOSS! (hahaha sorry listening to lonely island!)<br>**


	82. Chapter 82

**Hey guys! You wanted a couple long ones right? Well here ya go! And keep in mind what Edward says about the paperwork...that's all true. Most doctors offices do this. I should know I'm currently interning at one. **

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><p>I slam the door open, not giving a damn about her privacy, to find her sitting on the couch sipping what looks like coffee.<p>

"You know that's not good for your kid right?" I ask as she glares at me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Doing something I should have done a long time ago." I throw the papers down on the couch.

She scrambles to get to them, knocking her coffee over in the process.

"What the fuck! You went through my medical records!" She screams.

"Remember when this whole thing started and you kept going on about how I should know everything that's going on because it's my baby? Well we had to sign a little paper that stated if I inquired into the medical records of my wife concerning my child or children that I could do so."

She glared at me as I laughed.

"Well wifey, I inquired."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah fuck you too whore. I know that baby you're carrying isn't mine."

She gasps. "How can you say that?"

"You're real stupid Tanya. You had an amnio done last month."

"So, what the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"When they do an amnio dear wifey they take blood and samples from the child you are carrying. Blood Tanya," I say as she stares at me dumbfounded, "Blood that can be tested to find out whether or not you're carrying my child."

"Edward-"

"Save it. I just got the results today and that child is one hundred percent not mine."

"Edward stop!" She yells, but I'm not done yet.

"I also know that four weeks before you found out about this baby you lost another one."

"How did you?"

"I know because those were part of the medical records as well and being that we're married I'm allowed to know about that as well. Let me guess Tanya, you did get pregnant with my child, but you lost it. So instead of just giving up on your insane plan to take me for everything you decided to get pregnant with someone else's baby and pass it off as mine. Am I getting this right so far?"

"Edward, listen you have to-"

"No Tanya. You ruined my life. Do you have any idea what I threw away to make sure that I would be a part of this child's life? What I lost?" I yell as she slinks back.

"I lost a child I wanted more than anything because of you and your lies! The woman I love is lying in a hospital bed because of your lies."

"No," Tanya says as she stands up, "She's lying in a hospital bed because of your lies. Don't try and blame that whore's fucked up suicide on me."

I instantly see red and it takes everything in me to stop myself from pounding her face in.

"Get out."

"No! This is my house!" She screams.

"Not anymore," I say as someone comes in behind me.

"Mrs. Cullen," the man walks towards her and hands her a blue paper, which she snatches from him.

She looks up at me then back at the man.

"What is this?" She asks.

"You've been served." He nods to me then walks out, closing the door behind him.

She looks over the papers before throwing them on the ground and glaring at me.

"You got a restraining order on me!" She screams and I nod.

"Tanya this is over. I should have done this a long time ago. I should have ended our marriage the moment I met Bella. But I didn't and that's my fault. You're right it is my fault that she's lying in that bed right now. So I owe it to her and to our child to change things. I owe it to them to move on with my life and to get the hell away from you!"

A knock on the door interrupts us and she glares at me.

"Why are you doing this?" She asks her eyes full of tears.

I start walking towards the door before I answer her.

"Because you took everything from me Tanya, it's only fair that I do the same to you."

I open the door and two officers are standing there.

"Mr. Cullen we've received a call from your lawyer Jason Jenks that your wife needs to be escorted off the premises."

"Yes, she's right this way."

Tanya screams and howls as the officer's work to get her out of my home. Finally after two hours she leaves but not before snarling at me.

"This isn't over Cullen, not by a long shot."

I can only hope that it is.


	83. Chapter 83

**Yeah so Tanya is a freaking liar and Edward...well he's a good guy at heart. Just a little stupid. Enjoy!**

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><p>It's quiet after the officers leave.<p>

I stand in the middle of the living room, in shock mostly because it's finally over.

I can see that now.

Tanya won't be coming back.

I know that in my gut.

I've proven everything she said to me to be lies.

She was at one point pregnant with my child, but she'd lost that baby shortly after it's conception.

I sank to the floor as my thoughts over powered me.

The grief, pain and anger that I'd been holding back came bubbling forward and I couldn't stop it.

My tears fell against my wishes and I curled up into myself.

Everything I'd done since meeting Bella had ultimately led to her being in the position she is now.

Everything I'd lied about had hurt her to the point where she had no option other than to escape it all.

It was my entire fault.

I'd ruined a beautiful, wonderful woman with my selfishness and stupidity.

The door opened and my head shot up, locking eyes with the last person I expected to see.

"What are you doing here?"

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"I heard about your wife needing an escort off the premises. Thought I'd come see what that's all about."

I roll my eyes and look at the ground.

"Emmett, just go." I whisper.

"Edward you and I need to talk."

I look up at him as he sits on the couch.

"What more can you possibly have to say to me?"

He looks at me for a moment before turning away.

"IS her baby yours?" He asks.

"No," I whisper as I stand before taking a seat next to him, "She lost my baby four weeks after she raped me, for lack of a better word."

He turns and nods. "So the kid isn't yours?"

"Nope."

"You're all done with her?" he asks and I nod once again.

"Are you all done with my sister?"

There it is…the million dollar question.

I stare at him for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"I love Bella more than anything in this world, but my presence in her life has done nothing but ruin her. I have hurt her so damn much and there's not a fucking thing I can do to change that."

He nods before allowing me to continue.

"I'm going to walk away from her Emmett. She deserves someone better than me. Someone who won't lie or hurt her. Someone who will give her everything she could ever desire. I'm not that guy and I never will be."

He stares at me for a while before standing up.

"You're a better guy than you give yourself credit for." He says before he walks out the door.


	84. Chapter 84

**Okay so first of all FF has been sucking butt since last week. If you read the drabble war stuff you know this to be true. Anyways on top of that i've been sick as a dog for over a week now. Still technically am. I hate this weather lately, it's been causing nothing but sickness in my household! ugh just hate it. So basically i've either been in my bed or taking care of sick little girl. Either way it hasnt left me any time to post. But i'm here now and i'm desperately trying to play catch up. So I'm really sorry about last week. Anyway to make up for it we're getting ready to say goodbye to dumbward for a little while and hello to dramella!**

* * *

><p>I promised myself I'd be out of her life the second she woke up.<p>

Only it was taking longer for her to wake than the doctors anticipated.

So I waited.

However while waiting I actually got to know her family.

They weren't half bad.

Every one of them hated me for what I'd done to Bella.

Hell I hated myself so I couldn't really blame them.

They took stabs at me here and there but as the days went on things started to change.

Alice started bringing me lunch when she brought it for everyone else.

Emmett started talking to me about whatever game was on the night before.

Jasper asked me about my shame of marriage and how that was working on.

Rosalie even started talking to me about whatever she had on her mind.

Over time I found myself being accepted by these people.

However there was one thing that never changed no matter how nice they all got.

They wanted me out of Bella's life.

Every night before I walked out the door one of them would grab my hand, look me in the eye and say if she wakes up you're gone.


	85. Chapter 85

**To answer your questions yes this is still Edward, yes her family is actually talking to him because they know he's going to be gone soon and he's trying to do the right thing, and yes he will talk to her before he leaves her life for good. He owes her that much. **

* * *

><p>Time kept going until one day the doctors came and asked for Emmett.<p>

They were gone for a while, but when Emmett came back he looks…different.

He called everyone except me up to him and they talked for a while.

After that things were different.

They stopped talking to me almost all together and I knew that something was up.

Finally I'd had enough.

"Jasper," he looked up at me from the novel he was reading.

"What's up?" he asked, acting like everything was perfectly fine.

"What's going? Why the hell isn't anyone talking to me anymore?"

He looked at me for a while before turning to his wife who quickly shook her head.

I watched at he took a deep breath then turned back to me.

"It's nothing man. Just some family stuff that's all."

I wanted to ask more but he already had his nose back in his book.

I wanted to believe that what he said was true.

That was what going on was just family stuff and that I'd eventually be told.

But even I knew that wasn't true.

Something had happened and it was somehow connected to me.

I just had no idea what.


	86. Chapter 86

**OMG FF has been a bitch this week! I tried to upload these last night and it wouldnt work. So because of that you get four updates tonight instead of two. So enjoy everyone!**

* * *

><p>Two months.<p>

It took two months for Bella to open her eyes and come back to this world.

In those two months I found myself a new job two towns away and managed to sell my old house for a fairly reasonable price.

It took two months for me to realize that what I was going to do was the right thing and in those two months I decided something else.

I decided that I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye first.

Without first telling Bella how sorry I was.

I just really hopped that she was willing to listen to me.


	87. Chapter 87

A hospital room…I could tell that's where I was based on the smells around me.

I hated hospital rooms.

They were always so clean and sterile.

Nothing is this world that's good is meant to be that clean.

"Bella," I look to my left to find my big brother, tears in his eyes, staring back at me.

I try to talk but he shakes his head.

"Bella there's a tube down your throat right now sis. You have to wait until the nurse comes."

Panic starts to set in and I feel my heart start to race.

Why is there a tube down my throat?

Why am I in the hospital?

What in the hell is going on?

"Bella, sis you have to calm down."

A woman walks in behind Emmett and immediately begins talking to me.

"Miss. Swan, we're going to take the tube out, you have to calm down so that we can do this alright?"

I look up at her and try to nod as she starts the procedure.

A doctor walks in behind her to assist and for a few seconds I try to go to my happy place.

It works for a while until suddenly I'm gulping for air.

"Bella, breathe sis it's alright." Emmett whispers, his voice right in my ear.

It takes a few minutes but I'm finally able to breathe and now all I want are answers.

"Emmy," I rasp my throat dry and scratchy.

"What sis?"

"Why am I here?"

He looks at me then at the door before turning back to me.

"You don't remember?"

I look up at him and then down at my hands.

Suddenly I remember everything.

I remember the pain of losing my daughter.

I remember the pain of losing the man that I loved.

I remember writing letters to my family and friends about how sorry I was and how much I loved them.

I remember taking the pills that were going to end my life.

I remember everything.

I look up at Emmett, tears streaming down my face. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh Bella,"

I'm in his arms in seconds and it's like finding home.


	88. Chapter 88

**For the record she didnt remember because at first her brain was a little confused. But now she gets it. **

* * *

><p>The rest of the afternoon is filled with doctors and nurses coming in and out.<p>

Sometimes they ask me questions other times they just talk.

They talk a lot about the affects of what I did.

They want me to talk to a shrink.

They want me to get better and be happier in my life.

I know they want what's best for me.

Hell I'm starting to think that what I did was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm a little crazy.

"Bella," Emmett grabs my hand and I realize that I've spaced out while the doctor has been talking again.

"I'm sorry, what was it you were saying?" I ask and he smiles.

"Miss. Swan, after you were brought in we ran a bunch of tests to see if you were alright after your…incident." He says and I cringe.

"Did the tests come out alright?" I ask, already knowing something isn't right.

"Miss. Swan you're three months pregnant."

He says it so casually, like he's telling me what kind of lunch he just had or where he plans to go on vacation.

He has no idea that what he said just changed my life.

"I'm what?" I ask, before turning to my brother.

"Bella-"

"You knew?" I whisper and he nods.

"They told us after they found out. We had to give them permission to do a bunch of things."

"Like what?"

The doctor chimes in at this point, earning a glare from me.

"We did the basic tests to make sure the fetus was healthy and we also performed an ultrasound to make sure everything was moving along as it should."

"Is the baby? I didn't?" I ask, already feeling incredibly guilty for the harm I could have placed on my child.

"The baby is fine. We've been monitoring you very closely given your history and the circumstances."

The doctor goes on about taking care of myself and how many visits I need to have throughout the remainder over my pregnant but I'm already tuning him out.

I wonder if Edward knows.


	89. Chapter 89

**And now you know what Emmett knew.**

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><p>I've asked about him twice since I woke up.<p>

I remember him coming to the house.

I was just finishing the pills when I heard the familiar sound of his car in the driveway.

I wonder if he's the one that found me.

Emmett says it's a miracle that Edward came when he did.

I want to see him.

I'm not entirely sure why considering how things turned out, but I feel like I need to see him.

I need to say goodbye or something.

I have no idea if I'm going to tell him about the baby just yet.

"Bella," I look up to find Alice smiling at me.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"I um…look I shouldn't even been letting this happen but I know that he needs this just as much as you do." She says quickly before running to the door.

"Ali what's going on?"

My heart stops as he walks through the door before Alice quickly closes it behind her.

Then we're alone.

"Bella," he whispers and it takes everything I have inside me to keep myself from trying to pull him into my arms.


	90. Chapter 90

**Now it's time for these two to say goodbye! Only one tonight guys. Sorry I'm still not feeling 100%.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"Edward," I rasp my voice still hoarse from the tube.<p>

"I'm glad you're awake." He says as he sits down in the chair beside my bed.

I shift the blankets in an effort to hide the slight baby bump I found earlier.

He doesn't even notice.

"Emmett says you were the one who found me."

"Yeah, about two minutes after you took the last pill they estimated."

"Thank you." I whisper and he looks up at me.

"For what?"

"For saving my life, I mean if you hadn't been there then I would-"

"Bella it's my fault that you did that to begin with." He says before he gets up and starts pacing.

"Edward, it was both-"

"No Bella. I should have told you from the beginning what was going on. I should have been more open and honest with you. If I had just done that then none of this would have happened."

"None of this?" I ask, trying to figure out just what he means.

"This," He says, his arms gesturing to the room around us, "you never would have tried to kill yourself if I had just been a bigger man about things and owned up to what I was doing."

"Are you and Tanya?" I ask, because frankly I need to know.

"We're through. The baby isnt even mine, she lied to me. "

"I want to say I'm sorry, but-"

"Don't. I know I'm getting what I deserve." He says with a smile on his face.

"Edward look-"

"Bella, just I don't think we have a lot of time left and I need to say this so here goes. What happened between us is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. I have never loved someone the way I've loved you and it kills me to know how hurt you were from all of this. So because of that I'm leaving. I found a job two towns over and I even managed to see the house here. I'm leaving for good tomorrow morning." He says and my heart shatters.

I love this man more than words can ever begin to explain but deep down I know, at the bottom of my heart that this is what is best for everyone.

If we're meant to be then someday we'll find our way back to each other.

"Thank you." I whisper and he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.

"Bella-"

"This is what's right for both of us. Thank you for having the courage to do it."

He walks over and quickly pulls me into his arms.

Our tears fall as we hold each other one last time.

We pull back and his lips ghost over mine lightly before he pulls back all together.

"I will always love you Bella Swan."

The tears are falling uncontrollably at this point as I look up at him.

"I will always love you Edward Cullen."

He gives me one last smile before walking out the door and out of my life.


	91. Chapter 91

**Time jump! We're jumping ahead six months. Enjoy! I've been working nonstop on trying to figure out just how many more chapters. I'm really think at the most 150. But that's a rough estimate. It's getting closer though!**

* * *

><p>It's been six long months since Edward walked out of my life.<p>

Six months of learning to live my life without him.

Six months of trying to piece back together the life I had once destroyed.

Six months of finally figuring out just who I am.

Most importantly six months to prepare for this moment.

"Bella you can't push we're not at the hospital yet." Rosalie whispers beside me as I shake and cry.

"Rose I have to. The baby wants out of me!" I scream and the car swerves.

"Alice Whitlock, watch the god damn road!" Rose screams and Alice nods.

"Yeah I am sorry. I just…Bella is kind of scary right now."

"Well you will be two when you push that watermelon sized baby out of your 'don't even think about cause it aint happening' size hole!" I scream and she whimpers.

She's lucky.

She's only four months pregnant.

She still has time.

I however do not.

"Fuck Rose, I don't know if I can keep holding back." I whimper because let's face it I'm done.

"Bella we're almost there. I can see the emergency sign. Just hold on a little bit longer okay?" She pleads and I smile up at her.

"Okay."

The minute the word is out of my mouth the car jerks to a stop and Alice is scrambling to get out.

"Help, someone this woman is having a baby." She yells as she runs towards the emergency room entrance.

"You'd think she was the one going through this way she's acting." Rose mutters and I hold back my laugher as another contraction hits.

"Rose inside please." I plead as two orderlies run towards the car.

"How far apart are the contractions miss?" The one asks and I raise my fist towards him.

"Close enough for me to know I am not getting the drugs I want. "

I watch as his Adams apple bobs up and down, knowing that he's scared of me.

"Alright let's get her inside." The other, smarter, orderly says as I'm lifted to a wheel chair and quickly wheeled inside.

"Rose," Alice whispers from behind me, "please don't let me go this far…I need the drugs." She whispers and I laugh as Rose starts howling with laughter.

"Don't worry Shorty. I'll have you hear in plenty of time."

I roll my eyes and look over my shoulder to glare at her.

"Oh sure for her you make that promise, but for your own damn sister in law you couldn't be bothered."

"Oh Bella," Rose says with a smile as I roll my eyes at her.


	92. Chapter 92

**The first little bit here about the birth...yeah that's how i felt after having my daughter. So if you have family members or friends that have a baby. Do what the nurse does for Bella. Enjoy! Oh and no edward still doesnt know. **

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><p>Birth is easy.<p>

At least in my opinion it is.

It's the events after that are a bit taxing.

The constant stream of people coming in and out, wanting to see your little bundle when all you want to do is close your damn eyes for five minutes, yeah that is the hard part.

They never warn you about that part on TV.

No they just make everything look so damn pretty and tied up in a nice, neat bow.

They lie!

So here I am, lying in my hospital bed waiting for these damn family members of mine to take a hint and exit stage left.

Only they're not getting it.

At least not until I make it widely known with a little help from my nurse who I've decided that I'm having a huge girl crush for at the moment.

"Alright everyone out," Jane says as everyone looks at her.

"What? I want to stay and play with my nephew." Emmett pouts and Jane rolls her eyes.

"It's time to go. Mama needs her rest and that little man needs to get his vitals check out at the nursery." Jane says as she takes the baby from Emmett's big arms and walks away.

"But I want to-"

"Emmy you can come back tomorrow alright. Just please go. I need to sleep." I plead and he finally gets the hint.

"Okay Bella. We'll go." He says before he walks over and kisses my forehead.

Rose and Alice do the same and soon everyone is gone except for Jane and the baby.

"You want to hold him for a little while before I take him back?" She asks and I nod.

She places the tiny little person in my arms and I'm instantly hit with this utter feeling of love and devotion.

Jane quietly exits the room and I barely notice as my son opens his eyes for the first time in two hours, his blue eyes looking up into my dull brown ones.

"Well hi there little man. " I whisper as he grabs one of my fingers in a tight grip.

"That's some grip you got there buddy."

I lean forward and kiss his little head as his warm breath grazes my chin.

"I can't believe you're really here little guy. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to meet you."

He looks up at me for a little while and I stare into his eyes until they close as he falls asleep.

"Did you finally settle on a name for the little guy?" Jane asks when she comes back a few minutes later.

"Yeah actually I did. His name is Damon Charles Swan-Cullen." I whisper as she nods.

"I'll make a note on the chart. That's a nice name by the way."

"Thanks," I say as she rolls the bassinet out before turning off the lights.

I stare out the window for a few minutes, wondering what Edward is doing and if he's happy.


	93. Chapter 93

**So a lot of you were mad that he doesnt know. Sorry about that, but there is a reason. You'll find out in this chapter. Anyway these are getting a lot longer which is good because less chapters. Pretty soon it's just going to be in true drabble form. Meaning that it's going to jump around A LOT. Time is going to really fly by soon. We're approaching the end. **

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><p>It took me six months to finally work up the courage to confront the people in my life about the secrets I had been keeping.<p>

They refused to let me tell him about his son.

They told me that our relationship was toxic and that Damon deserved something better than that.

I agreed but at the same time I knew that Edward deserved to know.

Finally I was able to get through to one of them.

I was finally able to get through to my big brother.

"Emmett if that was your son wouldn't you want to know?" I asked as he stared at Damon, who was sleeping in my arms.

"Of course I'd want to know Bells. But this is different."

"How?" I ask, finally having had it with that excuse.

"Bella when you two were together you were horrible for each other. For fuck's sake Bella you tried to kill yourself."

I look down at the ground and he stops talking.

"Look I know you had your reasons,"

"None of those were because of Edward." I say, finally admitting what I've always known in my heart.

"Yeah right," He rolls his eyes and I've finally had it.

"Emmett Marshall McCarthy I have fucking had it with you. You act like you're so high and fucking mighty but you're not. You're just as weak and selfish as I am. This is a prime example of that. You don't want me telling Edward about our son, not because of what our relationship use to be, but because you're afraid that you'll lose Damon and me."

He looks away before answering me. "Bella can you blame me?"

"No I can't." I whisper and he takes a deep breath.

"I agree with you in the sense that he does deserve to know that he has a son in this world."

"Thank you."

"But I don't agree that you should be the one to tell him."

"Then who should?" I ask.

"Me." He whispers and I swear for a second that I've heard him wrong until I realize he's serious.

"You're serious?"

"Yes, look Bella I was there the night he kicked Tanya to the curb. I was there when he watched you sleep. I got to know the guy. I don't like him very much but I got to know him."

"So what that makes you the one to be able to tell him?"

"No I just think that out of all of us I'm the one that will be able to tell him without getting emotional."

"Emmett," I say, standing up and adjusting my son in my arms, "I will be the one to tell Edward, because I don't plan on just telling him about Damon. I want the two of them to meet and have a relationship. Keeping this from him has been cruel and I can't do it any longer."

"Bella-"

"I'll understand if you guys are mad at me but you have to understand this is my life and my son's and I will do whatever I feel is necessary to protect him." I grab my bags and start walking towards the door.

"Bella," Emmett says and I turn around, "I love you and I'm not mad. I'm just worried."

I give him a smile as he walks over to hug us.

"I love you Emmy and I appreciate you being the big brother but sometimes you have to let me do my own thing."

"I'm starting to figure that out."


	94. Chapter 94

**So you get it. Emmett, Rose, Alice and a little bit of Jasper were keeping her from telling Edward the truth. They didnt want a repeat of what happened before. That is easy to get right? Anyway she's going to tell him now. And you'll get a glimpse of who has been keeping Edward company this whole time. **

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><p>His house is simple.<p>

It's almost identical to my own and I smile at that.

I get out of the car and walk to the back to get Damon.

I'm nervous about today.

So nervous in fact that my palms are sweaty and my heart is racing in my chest.

I'm afraid of how Edward will react.

I'm afraid he'll throw me out and want nothing to do with me.

But most of all I'm afraid that he'll deny Damon.

I don't see how he could.

I look down at my son, who is the spitting image of his father right down to the emerald green eyes.

I walk the short path to the front door and knock lightly.

It doesn't take long for someone to answer.

And it isn't who I expected at all.

"Hello," the woman says.

Her eyes are the same green as Edward's and her hair is a light brown, with hints of auburn.

I could almost swear that this is his mother.

"Hi, um is Edward home?" I ask, my voice catching a little in my throat.

"Why yes dear he is. Come on in." She moves away from the door and ushers me in.

I give her a small smile and walk inside.

The house is very simple in decoration.

It's really nothing to out of this world, which is exactly Edward's style.

I smile as I look around, admiring how nothing has really changed.

"Would you like me to go get him honey?" the woman asks and I nod.

"Thank you very much." I whisper, because frankly I'm shaking in my skin right now.

She smiles then walks down the hall.

I bounce Damon's infant seat a little to help him sleep.

I don't need him waking up and ruining the whole thing before I even have a chance to talk.

"Bella?" I turn around and Edward is standing five feet from me.

He looks just as he did the last time I saw him and that warms my heart.

He looks from me to the car seat in my arms then back to me.

"What are you doing here?" He asks and I take a deep breath.

"I need to talk to you."

He leads us into his living room as the woman from earlier follows.

"Mom, it's alright I'm fine." He says to her and she smiles.

"Can I get you anything?" She asks.

"I'm Bella, and no thank you I'm fine."

"Alright Bella, it's nice to meet you. Honey I'll be in the guest room." She says before walking out of the room.

It's silent for a while before Damon starts to stir in his seat.

Edward nearly jumps off the couch at the sound.

"Whose is that?" He asks and I smile.

"Hold on." I decide then and there that words will not do this meeting justice.

It's better if I show him exactly why I'm there.

I unzip the protective casing on the seat and reach in to unbuckle the squirmy infant.

He looks up at me with his big green eyes and I smile.

"Hey little man, do you want out of here?" I ask as he gives me a little smile.

I pull him out and I hear Edward gasp.

After adjusting Damon so that Edward can see his face I look straight at him.

"Edward I'd like you meet your son, Damon Charles Swan-Cullen."


	95. Chapter 95

**OMG I'm seriously going to hurt something soon. Okay here's the scoop if you havent been paying attention on twitter. I had the entire rest of the story finished. And i mean finished. But because i didnt do what i usually do which is type out five chapters at a time on one file I lost all of it. I mean all of it! I was so mad that i wanted to give up. Finally i got the strength to do it all again and my lovely computer kept crashing then FF had a fail day or two. However FINALLY i was able to get something up today. Plus on top of that I'm going to have an update or two later just because i want to. We're getting so close to the end that I just want to get it all up. So i'm hoping to have it done soon! **

**I know it's probably not what you wanted but to keep the story moving we had to do this...**

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><p>Three years and six months later:<p>

"Momma, why we here?" Damon asked as I strapped him into child seat of our cart.

"Mommy has to get something for Aunt Rose and the baby." I said, pushing the cart out into the traffic of the busy store.

"For baby Amy or the new one?" Damon asks, his face scrunching up out of confusion.

"I have to get something for the new baby." I reply and he nods.

"I love target mommy." He comments as we pass down the aisles heading towards the baby section.

"I know you do buddy."

"I come here with Daddy a lot." He says and I smile.

The past three and half years have flown by.

After telling Edward about Damon he'd been a permanent fixture in our lives, even from a distance.

He had Damon every other weekend and dropped in every so often during the week for a surprise visit.

Damon loved it and I loved seeing my little man happy.

"Momma can I ask you a question?"

I looked down at Damon and nodded. "Of course you can buddy what's up?"

"Hows come Uncle Em can stay home with Amy all day?"

I laughed and smiled down at my son. "Well Uncle Emmett decided after Amy was born that he didn't want to work at his office anymore so he was able to be home with Amy all day."

"Oh," he said, a look of concentration on his face, "mommy hows come daddy can't do that for me?"

I stop pushing the cart and look down at my son.

For a four year old he's rather quick with things.

"Well baby, that's because your daddy doesn't live in the same town that we do."

"Why not?" He asks, and I sigh.

"Well baby a long time ago your daddy decided that it would be best for everyone if he moved a little ways away."

"Daddy said he left because he need a clean start. What's that?"

"Well sweetie a clean start is like when mommy changes your bed sheets. You know how they smell all clean and fresh like the washer?" He nods and smiles as I continue on. "Well that's what daddy did. He needed to go somewhere with a new smell so he could start fresh and clean."

He takes what I said and thinks while I keep us moving.

I have to be back at Rose and Emmett's soon and we're already running a little late.

"Mommy, can we look at toys?" Damon asks and I smile.

"Well maybe after mommy finds what she's looking for." I look around the shelves trying to find the stupid pacifier clip that Rosalie has been going on and on about for weeks.

Finally I find it pushed behind all of the other little pacifier things that in my opinion just don't work when you have a baby who is constantly pulling on thing.

"Okay Damon we can-"I turn and find the seat in front of me empty.

"Damon?" I call as I walk away from the cart.

"DAMON!" I call before I finally hear his little voice.

I turn around as Damon walks towards me with a dark skinned man beside him.

"Mommy!" Damon calls as he runs into my arms.

I stand up as he wraps his little legs around me.

"Oh god baby you scared Mommy. Why on earth did you leave the cart?" I ask as I set him down and check him for any marks.

"I saw something that I wanted to get Daddy."

"Damon you can't wonder off on your own like that. Something bad could have happened and mommy wouldn't have even known it." I cry as he wraps his arms around me again.

"I found him a couple aisles over. He said his mommy was this way so I was bringing him back." The man said as I looked up at him.

"Thank you. I turned my back for a minute and he was gone."

"It's alright. My nephew does that to me all the time."

"Thank you so much."

"It's Jacob and you're welcome."

"I'm Bella."


	96. Chapter 96

**I know you guys are really upset that Jacob is in here. I'm sorry but we need him. You'll see soon enough why. **

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><p>"Emmett that's enough!" I yell out of frustration as my big brother throws himself down on the bed.<p>

"Bella you don't understand. You've been on what like three months worth of dates with this guy and we still haven't met him. I still haven't met him." He whines as I try to focus on doing my makeup.

"The boys right Bella." Rosalie chimes in from her spot at the door.

I look up and glare at her. "You just have to encourage him don't you."

She smiles before waddling over to the bed and sitting beside her husband.

"Bella you obviously like this guy so what's the big deal if he meets your family?" Rose asks and for once I really don't have answer for her.

"I-"I start before Emmett cuts me off.

"See you don't have a reason! Come on Bella just let us say hi to him when he comes to get you tonight."

He's pleading and for once it's actually working. Well that and that fact that I've run out of excuses.

"Alright fine you can meet him."

Emmett cheers as he runs out of the room.

I hear the kids squeal in excitement as my eyes roll.

"It won't be that bad." Rose says as I turn to her again.

"Rose this thing with Jacob…it's very new. I like him and I don't want to scare him away."

"And you think we'll do that?"

I shrug and she laughs.

"Bella, honey we love you and all we want in this world is for you to be happy. If this guy makes you happy which based on how you've been lately I'm assuming he does, we just want to meet him."

"I know. I'm just scared I guess. The last guy I got even remotely close to was Edward and you know how that ended."

"But now you're good friends and he's an amazing dad. Bella not everything had to be doom and gloom you know that right?"

"Of course I do. I know that." I turn back to my mirror as she stands up.

Rose starts playing with my hair as I finish my makeup and I'm grateful for her in that moment.

"I love you Rose." I whisper and she wraps her arms around my shoulders.

"I love you too Belly bean. Everything is going to go great I promise." She whispers back as she smiles at me in the mirror.

In that moment I honestly believe her.


	97. Chapter 97

**I know what you're thinking, why was Bella so insecure last chapter...well wouldnt you be after everything that's happened to her? I know I would be. **

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><p>Four months later:<p>

"Bella," Edward calls as the door opens.

"We're in here." I call from Damon's room as I struggle to get the four year old dressed.

"Daddy!" Damon cheers as Edward walks into his room.

"Hey little man," I watch as Damon is scooped up by his father in a tight bear hug that tugs at my heart strings.

Doesn't matter how many times I see them together the sight always does something to me.

"What's going on here?" Edward asks once he's put Damon back down.

"I'm just trying to get him dressed so he can leave with you."

"Am I still meeting your friend today?" Edward asks and I nod.

"Of course," I finally manage to get a shirt on Damon while Edward sits down at the desk.

"Good because you've been pushing this back a lot lately."

"Well I don't want you to scare him off."

Edward gasps and his hand flies to his chest.

"Me? What in the world would make you think that?" He says as Damon laughs.

"That's because you don't want momma to date daddy." Damon says and I start laughing.

I give Edward a look and he rolls his eyes.

"I never said I didn't want her to date I just don't want her to get serious with someone."

"Well it's a little too late for that Edward." I say as the door bell rings.

"Wait what?" Edward says as I walk out the room and towards the door.

Damon flies past me and opens the door before I even get there and Jacob at once notices.

"Hey little dude aren't you supposed to wait for your mom to open that?" He asks.

Damon looks down before turning to me.

"I'm sorry mommy."

"You have to start actually listening to me buddy you know that right?" I ask and he nods before hugging my legs.

Jacob walks inside, closing the door behind him, and kisses my cheek.

"Hey pretty girl."

"Hey handsome," I smile and he looks behind me.

Damon lets go of me and I turn around to make the introduction I have been trying to avoid for months now.

"Jacob this is Damon's father Edward, Edward this is my boyfriend Jacob."

Damon and I watch as Edward shakes Jacobs hand and I try to figure out what he's thinking.

"Well me and the little man should be heading out. It was nice to meet you Jacob and Bella I'll have him home around seven on Sunday."

I give Damon and kiss before they disappear out the front door.

Arms wrap tightly around me as lips place light kisses on my neck.

"You miss him already?" Jacob whispers as I nod.

"I miss him every time he leaves. But he needs to spend some time with his father."

"Every little boy needs a dad." Jacob says as his arms drop from around me and I turn to face him.

"You don't like Edward?"

"I don't like your history with the guy and the fact that you're friends, but I get what you mean. Damon needs his dad."

"Thank you and for the record it took a while for us to even become friends. Considering we were never really friends to begin with."

"Okay." Jacob says as I laugh.


	98. Chapter 98

**I am having serious writers block over here. UGH! I mean seriously this chapter came so easy after 2 weeks of nothing. So frustrating. **

**Anyway a lot of you are going to be angry about what happens in this and let me say this first and foremost this store will end E/B! I promise. This is just part of the journey Bella has to take to get back to Edward and of course he has to take this journey as well. They cant just magically get back together. That's not how things work. **

**OH and is anyone reading the drabble wars this weekend? I am freaking addicted to:**

**Simply Promised by mmsinful**- http: / /www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/ s / 7913282/ 1/Simply_Promised

**Dysfunction Junction by want2beacullen** http:/ / www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/ s / 7910285/ 1/Dysfunction_Junction

**There are others but these two own me right now! UGH! So go support them because the drabble wars are awesome!**

* * *

><p>"Do I look stupid?" I ask as I turned towards Alice and Rosalie.<p>

They both shake their heads, tears falling from their eyes.

"You look beautiful Bella." Alice whispers and I smile.

"Why are you crying?" I ask as Rose hands Alice a tissue before wiping her own eyes.

"It's just…you deserve this. All of this and I'm so happy that it's working out for you." Alice cries before crashing into my arms.

"Alice careful, you don't want to ruin her dress before he even gets to see it." Rose, always the mother, chimes in.

"Sorry," Alice smiles at me before looking me in the eyes, "You're happy right?"

"Of course I am Alice. I love Jacob and I can't wait to be his wife."

She smiles again before walking across the room to grab my veil.

After it's firmly on my head there's a knock on the door.

"Bella," I turn and find Edward standing in the doorway.

He gives Rose and Alice a nod before the girls leave, giving us a few moments of privacy before it's time.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, confused since he refused to even acknowledge that I was even getting married a week ago.

"I just wanted to come and say that I'm happy for you."

"Edward-"I start but he stops me.

"What you and I had was something that regardless of how unhealthy it was…it was something I cherished. But I ruined everything and you have every right to find happiness I just hoped that someday that happiness would be with me." He says and my heart hurts at his admission.

"You want to know the truth?" I ask, tears appearing in the corner of my eyes.

He looks up at me and nods.

"I wanted everything with you. I wanted the whole package, but things got so messed up and I couldn't be that person that I was anymore. I needed a change and when you left I healed from everything that happened with us. I grew past the lust I felt for you because honestly when I look at it with clear eyes that's all I see, just lust. But now, now getting to know the man that you are and seeing you with Damon…Edward I wanted to have all of this with you, but…but it just didn't work out that way." I whisper and he crosses the room, cupping my face in his big hands.

"Are you sure that you want to marry him?" He asks, his eyes pleading with me to say no.

"Yes," I whisper and I watch as his heart shatters before my eyes.

I know in this moment that I've made the final choice.

"Then I wish you nothing but happiness." He says before he turns and walks out the door.

The tears that have been threatening to fall finally do as I let myself grieve for the man I use to care so much about.

I don't let myself grieve long because today isn't about what could have been or what happened in the past.

Today is about the future.

The music changes outside the door and Emmett pops his head in.

"It's time." He whispers.


	99. Chapter 99

**OMG do i hate FF. For weeks i have been trying to upload this and it hasn't worked. It would say yeah it's updated and then nothing. on top of that i was replying to reviews and it wouldn't go through! I was beyond pissed so i gave it a few days and I'm hoping that it goes through now since i've been getting other updates from other stories pretty regularly the past couple days. So lets see what happens shall we. Oh and you're going to like this and the next chapter. **

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><p>Marriage is hard.<p>

I was told by so many people that it was going to be hard, that we'd really have to work at it.

But for it to be this hard…I wasn't prepared for that.

He yells, I yell and together we just slowly give up.

I know he's thinking of ways to get out and I can't really blame him.

He wants to have a baby and I'm just not there yet.

I mean Damon is only four and a half.

I'm just not ready to have another child.

So we fight and we fight.

Damon is starting to spend more and more time at his father's because he can't handle the fighting.

Loud noises drive him crazy and cause him to scream which in turn causes another fight with Jacob.

Therefore it's just easier if Damon isn't in the house when Jacob and I are fighting.

Rose tells me that maybe I need to think about counseling.

She doesn't know that I've tried that.

Jacob has gone to maybe two sessions and each time he's walked out half way through.

He says that our issues are ours alone and that we shouldn't bring someone else into it.

I'm beginning to think that this is it for us.

He's spending more and more time down at his father's and there are weeks were I barely see him.

I'm not sure what to do anymore.

"Bella?" Edward asks.

I look up and smile as Damon runs towards me.

"What are you two doing here?" I ask as Edward sits down on the couch beside me.

"Alice said that Jacob was down at his dad's again so I figured you'd want the little man around."

I give him the first genuine smile I've had in weeks.

"Thank you."

"What's going on Bella?" He asks and I frown.

I've been keeping a few things secret from him just simply because I know how he feels about me moving on.

I just don't know what Damon has told him.

"What do you know?"

"I know only what my son has told me."

"And that would be?"

"That you and your husband fight all the time and that he's hardly around."

I nod in confirmation and he sighs.

"Bella, why are you two fighting so much?"

"He wants another baby."

"That's it?"

"No, he also wants to move closer to his father's."

"And I take it you don't want either of those things."

I run my fingers through Damon's hair as he wraps his arms tighter around me.

"I want a baby I'm just not ready yet and I don't want to give up this house. I love it here."

He nods and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"Bella you have to do what's right for you okay? No one is going to be disappointed or upset with you if this isn't what you want anymore."

"I promised him forever Edward, through thick and thin and if I just give up now-"

"There is nothing wrong with giving up Bella, Especially if it's a situation that you're not happy about."

"Edward-"

"No Bella I'm not just saying that because I want you to be with me. I'm saying that because you're the mother of my child and I want you to be happy. And on top of that my son isn't happy here, which breaks my heart because you're his mother."

I look down at the now sleeping child in my arms and tears fall from my eyes.

"I miss him when he isn't around. I don't want to fight around him and I hate that's its all Jake and I can manage to do. I feel like a crappy mom."

"Bella," he turns my face so that we're looking at each other, "You're the best mom in the world you know that."

I smile lightly and he laughs.

"Bella just do what's right for you alright?"


	100. Chapter 100

**If it isnt clear what happened the first word of this spells it out rather nicely. hehe. **

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><p>Divorce.<p>

I hate that world more than anything in the world.

Basically to me it means that I have shown the world that I couldn't make my marriage work…that I'm a failure.

Rose and Em have told me constantly that I'm not a failure, that Jacob is the one who did this.

But I know that he's not alone.

I'm the one that pushed him away.

I just don't feel bad about it.

He doesn't really feel bad about what he did either.

He even told me exactly when it happened and for how long.

I'm not mad at him really.

Just sad that we tried to do something that we both knew deep down wouldn't work out.

He always loved someone else and was using me to get over her.

It doesn't help that I was kind of doing the same to him.

Damon took the news really well when we told him.

He kept asking if that meant the fighting was over.

I think he even did a celebration dance the minute Jacob moved the last of his things out of home.

Edward was about the same only slightly angrier.

He thought I should be pissed about what Jacob and Leah had done to me.

I kept telling him that it didn't matter, but he said I was crazy.

Being angry doesn't solve anything I kept telling him, but Edward will always be Edward.

So now I'm single again and honestly I'm happy about it.

My marriage to Jacob lasted six months and of those six we spent four of them fighting.

"Mommy," Damon called as I walked down the hall to his room.

"What's up baby?"

"Can I have a Flynn Rider birthday party?" He asks and I throw my head back in laughter.

"Honey I don't think they make Flynn Rider stuff all by themselves."

"Well why not?" He asks, a scowl that looks an awful lot like Edward's on his face.

"Well because Tangled is a girl thing really."

"Then why is there a really cool guy character in it?"

"I guess so she has someone to kiss at the end." I add and he rolls his eyes.

"That's just stupid." He says before his door closes.

'God I love that kid.'


	101. Chapter 101

**OMG guys...you have no idea the crappy internet that I have had to deal with. It comes and goes on pretty much a daily basis to the point where I'm on a first name basis with At&t customer service. GRRR. Oh and starting a new job hasnt helped at all...well not for updating. Anyway we're at the end pretty much just a tiny bit more. I wrote this one a few weeks ago so you'll have to wait a couple days for the rest but it's all done. Enjoy!**

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><p>The door clicks behind me as I quietly walk into my little house.<p>

"Busted."

I almost scream as Edward starts laughing his ass off from his spot across the room.

"I thought you'd be asleep." I say before walking past him into the living room.

"And miss all the details of your latest conquest? I think not."

I laugh as he sits down beside me.

"So how bad was it?"

I roll my eyes before telling him about the latest guy that Rose and Alice have set me up with.

"He was horrible Edward you have no idea. He talked about himself the entire time and when I finally got to say something he interrupted me to talk about himself again."

"Asshole."

"Pretty much." I sigh as I sit back, putting my feet up on the table.

He sits back and throws his feet up next to mine before wrapping his arm around me.

"I'm sorry you keep finding jerks Bella."

"Maybe there's no one in this world for me."

I let my head fall against his chest and he sighs.

"You'll find someone who loves you for exactly who you are and cherish every moment they have with you Bella."

My eyes start to close as his lips fall lightly against my forehead.

My heart constricts in my chest as familiar feelings I've fought so hard to ignore flare up and before I can stop myself in looking up at him.

He stares down at me as his hand cups my cheek.

"You think so?"

"Bella I know so." He whispers as his face inches closer to mine.

Time slows down around us as our lips touch for the first time in five and half years.

My hands move to his hair and his hands pull me closer to him.

Tongues dual for dominance and before I know I'm straddling him on the couch, his erection pressing in the exact right spot when my senses come back to me.

I pull away, panting heavily as Edward stares at me.

"We have to stop."

"Bella-"

"No Edward we have to stop." I climb off his lap and walk across the room.

"Bella please talk to me." He pleads and I feel strength slipping away.

"No we have to talk about this. Edward what we had before was horrible and I won't let it happen again. Not with Damon in our lives."

Edward stands up and walks towards me.

"Bella I have loved you for longer than I can remember. I have stood back and let you live the life I knew you deserved only to watch as it crumbled at your feet. I have been the friend I knew you needed help you get back to yourself and now I can't just be your friend."

"Edward-"

"I haven't been with anyone since you Bella. When women would hit on me I felt like I was betraying you even though we weren't together anymore. "

"You never had to-"

He puts his finger against my lips to quiet me as a smile graces his features.

"I want to be the one that wakes up with you every morning Bella. I want to be the one that cherishes every day that I get to spend with you. I want to be the one that grows old with you. I love you with everything that I have and I promise that if you give this another shot I will do everything in my power to prove to you that I'm not the same man I use to be."

Tears are falling from my eyes as he finishes talking.

I love the man in front of me.

I know that I always have.

Only it's been in different ways lately.

But as I think about the last few years and all the times he's stood beside me for every decision I've made, including my failed marriage, I know that he has changed.

And so have I.

My lips crash against his as we both tumble to the floor.

He pulls back and smiles up at me.

"Does that mean you want to try this again?"

I nod enthusiastically as he smiles.

"Under one condition?"

"Anything Bella."

"We go see a therapist once a week for a while."

He nods and I know in that moment that everything is going to work out just fine.

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><p><strong>A lot of you wanted him to suffer and honestly in a way he has. He's had to watch her move on and try to start a life with someone who wasnt him while loving her more than anything. He basically got a taste of what she went through and what she felt after finding out. He suffered to a point. But she loves him too and while she loved him differently for a while she's finally seeing what she always knew. This man is it for her. I'm sorry if that makes you angry but its how i always planned it to be. <strong>


	102. Goodbye

I am in the process of getting rid of everything off of this page.

I have moved to TWCS and I also have a blog up now.

I will be posting this story from both of those sites.

It sucks that we are all being kicked off!

I haven't yet but I know it's coming.

So I'm leaving before that happens.

Thanks to everyone who read and I'm hoping I'll see you all at my blog or TWCS!

www(dot)thewriterscoffeeshop(dot)com / library / viewuser(dot)php?uid=59925

allienicole16fanfiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com /


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